Tag Archives: pregnancy

Two-Week Wait Advent Calendar #2

The last one worked wonders. Two of my friends got pregnant using it, one was on the first try.  This is not scientific evidence or anything… but crossing fingers and picking up lucky pennies count in situations like this.  So I’m doing it again.

Here’s how it works… I know how rough the TWW can be.  I did it 11 times.  I think I could maybe write an Elizabeth Kubler-Ross-esque book on the stages of denial and anger and joy that one goes through in those two weeks.  So a while back, I thought, wouldn’t it be fun if I could make an advent calendar like the Christmas ones?  And each day of the TWW you could open a little window and get a treat?  That might make it ever-so-slightly easier to bear.  Now I have a very small handful of friends who have secretly told me they are TTC.  So this is for you, my secret IRL friends… and for you, too, my virtual friends.  May you only have to do one TWW!  And if you have to do two, I have two calendars, now. Open one link each day of your wait.

Stage 1 — Excitement

Day 1  Get pumped.  Imagine each person in the audience is a 100,000 swimmers, each one working toward the same goal.  Scroll down and click on the DipDive video link.  Don’t read the article first.  Just watch.

Day 2 Positive visualization.  Since this is a live-streaming link, it may not work forever.  Let me know if I need to change it.  Imagine this is you. If you are a vegetarian, this might not work for you. 🙂

Day 3 Some more positive visualization.  Short but sweet.

Stage 2 — Denial. You might be thinking, depending on how many TWWs you’ve experienced, what am I doing?  I’m going to jinx this try.  Stop thinking about it!  Stop! Stop! So here are a few days worth of distraction.

Day 4 — Is it day 14 yet?  Wait, day 14 of what?  I’m not doing a TWW!  I’m just my plain old self, not even thinking about such a thing at all.

Day 5 — Pick one and go see it.  While you have the time, money and energy.  🙂

Day 6 — You are almost through the first week of the-thing-that-shall-not-be-named.  Not that I’m naming it, or anything. Why don’t you celebrate with some cake? (This is my favorite blog… always good for a laugh, so surf away there while you ignore that thing you’re not ignoring, kay?)

Day 7 — If you really want to get distracted for hours and hours on end, try this… I mean, you are already on the computer, so you probably already do.  But if you don’t I’m sure you have some long-lost friends out there wishing you would.

Stage 3 — Trying to ignore, yet simultaneously causing, physical signs of pregnancy.  Physical signs of pregnancy, by the way, are evilly similar to those of PMS.  Just breathe, my dear.  Breathe.  And get your hands off of your b00bs.  Your prodding is what’s making them sore.

Day 8 — I know what will stop you from groping yourself… put yourself in a white over-the-car luggage holder in a bathroom stall. Yeah.  That ought to do the trick.  Or, maybe try wearing a sparky, flamey-type bra thing. (Try to ignore the vodka.  You may have some in a few days.  Or not.  Both wouldn’t be a bad thing.  Unless you are in recovery.  Then just try to focus on the costumes!)

Day 9 — Fu*k it.  Go shopping.  Just… stay away from that baby button. EEehh!  I saw that.  It is too early.  Focus on yourself while you still can.  If you are pregnant, it won’t be about you anymore.  And for my lesbian friends, you may be spending so much on baby making supplies… what’s another $50 to spend on yourself?  Nothing!  A drop in the pan.  Go.  You have my blessing.

Day 10 —  I said stop touching your b00bs.  And that goes for your partner, too.  Nah.  She can, but you can’t.  Sorry.  I’m getting off the point.  The point is, you only have a few more days to go.  Yes, the cramp you felt yesterday could be PMS.  It could also be implantation pain.  But since there’s no way knowing which at this point, why don’t you just look at this.

Stage 3 — Wanting it to end.  Trying not to test too soon.  Really, really wanting it to end.

Day 11 — Put down that pee stick!  Put it down and back away.  If you test now, it will be negative and you will feel sad, quite possibly for no good reason.  Why don’t you just try to meditate. And if you feel nauseated, you’ll know the real reason.

Day 12 — You may want another positive visualization at this point.  If you are trying for the first child, look at this.  If you are working on making a sibling, open this oldie but goodie. (Yeah, this was on the first calendar, but I figured I should carry over some mojo from there.) If you are an amazing master of your own mind and you still are ignoring that thing that will be over in two days (go, you!)  Watch this. (Ok, you can all watch that one.)

Day 13 — Please wait one more day to test.  I mean, you can go ahead and test, but I recommend waiting just one more day.  Look, you waited 13 already.  You can do it.  Where ever you are on your journey, I ‘m glad you’ve bothered to spend some time during the trip at my humble little blog.  And here, I give you the beginning of my final TWW.  And here, the end.  I hope this is the end of your final one, but if not, that’s ok, too.  Let me know how it goes.  XOXO!

Day 14 — Take the test already.  And don’t be a stranger.





Filed under blogitty blog blog, TTC, Uncategorized, Waiting and waiting and...

When Am I Going to Pop?

Good question, Eggdrop.

Everyday my good friend, nethermede, calls me. She doesn’t say hello. She just yells, “STILL PREGNANT?”

Everyday my mom calls. She doesn’t say hello either. She says, “Soooooo, how are yooooou?

Did you ever have PMS for three weeks straight? Because that is what the last month of pregnancy is turning out to be like. Luckily I’m not bitchy. But every night for the last three nights I’ve had such bad cramps and backaches. I just keep hoping they are being productive. If you want to give me pain, that’s fine. But it better be earning its keep, is all I’m saying. I had an episode last week that I thought was a contraction. (Apparently according to my midwife, when one has a contraction, you don’t think it might be one, you know, much like an orgasm.) So anyway, it sure felt like a contraction to me. I was driving and I couldn’t focus. I had to breathe differently, etc. At my midwife appointment, I was no more effaced or dilated. I’m just begging you, universe: go ahead and give me the pain, but make it productive. No sloppy, useless pain, please.

Then today I had a very PMS moment. My honey, my big boy and I went to the New York Aquarium for some family time. We went to see the seals perform. They started blasting that song from “Bring It On,” you know, the spirit fingers one? Y’all Ready for This? And everyone was clapping and the trainer was getting the seal to clap and my son was not very interested. I just burst into tears. I couldn’t stop myself. I was all choked up that this might be one of the last times that my family will be together just the three of us. I could not stop crying. My poor honey thought I was going into labor.

I can sort of see why some folks might pine to be induced at this point. It just makes you feel a little crazy. I mean, I think there is a real reason why PMS only lasts about a week. There is a limit to how much a human can take. And it is hard to make any plans when you know you might be radically changing your life anytime in the next 24 hours – two weeks. You know? Do I want to go swimming on Thursday? Hells yeah, if I don’t have a newborn and stitches in my whoo haaa. Do I want to go see Beth Orton in the park on Saturday? Yup. But I’d rather have this birth thing over-with by then, thanks.

Who can answer Eggdrop’s question? Who, besides Trucker, knows? Take a shot at it. If you guess correctly, I will write you a post on any topic you request.


Filed under Third Trimester!?!

Things to Do Besides Wanting to Induce

Having been recently freaked out by the number of women who spend the last few weeks of their pregnancy wishing someone would induce them, I have decided to offer up a list of alternative things to think about and do. I have had a newborn in my life before. Perhaps for this reason, I am able to see and appreciate the things that those of you who have not, might be missing. Don’t worry, you’ll get to meet your baby soon enough if you are this far along. I’ll spare you the induction-is-bad-for-you-and-the-baby-and-more-painful-than-birth-should-be-

and-likely-to-end-in-a-c-section speech. You already know my views on that. And that sometimes the doctors won’t let us avoid it. But that’s different from wishing they’d do it to you.

1. Enjoy the use of both of your hands. Do things everyone else who’s not holding a baby can do. Rip paper towels off the roll with ease. Put your trash down the chute. Eat a meal. Even the use of your pesky un-dominant hand will be sorely missed once it is gone.

2. Take a long shower. If you shave, enjoy the opportunity to have enough time and energy to shave both of your legs without feeling guilty about the helpless creature who is not in the shower with you. Your baby’s right there under your ribs and not even crying!

3. Walk somewhere. By yourself. Without a stroller or sling or burp cloth.

4. Go in to a fancy store without worrying about any screaming erupting from anywhere near you, for which you might be stared at and psychically urged to leave. Linger in the fancy store. Look at the pretty things.

5. Go to a movie. Even if you are uncomfortable in the chair and you have to pee seven times. You’ll thank me later.

6. Enjoy your pain-free nipp1es. Right now they are just sitting there like lots of other parts of your body…a knee or an elbow. Enjoy not being aware of them every waking moment.

7. Sleep. I know you’re excited. I know you keep obsessing over what to pack for the hospital and which stroller to get and if you got enough nursing bras. Sleep, I tell you. Sleep like a drunken college student who just turned in her thesis upon which she worked for three days and nights straight, then went to a bar and drank too much. Sleep hard. Sleep long. Sleep. And not like a baby. Because guess what? Babies wake up every two hours and cry.

8. Enjoy your partner (if you have one.) Eat meals together… like in the same moment. Look into each other’s eyes. Have uninterrupted conversations. Talk about books and plays. Talk about anything but poop and milk. Give and get lots of attention from each other because you are both going to be pouring it all into a third party soon.

9. See your friends who don’t have babies. See them a lot. Try to talk about things other than the baby when you see them. A lot of people slip away from their friends after the baby comes, so enjoy them now and try to envision how you’ll fit into each other’s lives a few weeks from now when the baby poop hits the fan.

10. Enjoy the special pregnant-lady treatment you’ve been getting for so long that you probably take it for granted, or even let it bother you. Because guess what? Once that adorable little babe comes out of your body, you will be almost invisible to most folks. Especially the strangers, who will switch from holding doors for you and giving up seats for you, to telling you that you dressed the baby wrong, or you’re holding it wrong, or could you get out of here with all of that racket?

Ok? Enjoy.

Do it for me.


Filed under Third Trimester!?!, Waiting and waiting and...