Category Archives: First Trimester

Happy Birthday to….

…my blog!  And my mom!

I won’t say how old my mother is.  She looks almost as young as me and her spirit is that of a twenty-year-old while I still sometimes trip over into worried grandma mode.  So happy happy, My Mama.

My blog is one year old today.  I thought I’d do what I’ve seen some folks do before.  I’ll give you my favorite posts by month.

One year ago I was getting impatient with trying to get pregnant at home.  I was a lot younger, I feel, than I am today.  Not in a good or bad way.  I just feel like a lot has happened in a year.  I decided to blog about it.  I think it was a good decision.  This blog and the folks who read it have become an important part of my life.  Though I’ve managed to pis$ some people off (including myself) with the blog, overall I’m glad I decided to show what I own.

In May I went to my first appointment with Dr. Mug– the man who eventually knocked me up, so to speak.  One post that comes up a lot from May was about how my neighbor and I were both on Clomid, so we called ourselves the WonderTwins.  For some reason beyond my ken, there are folks–lots of them– who want to know if Clomid will give them twins, or more nuttily, how they can get twins by taking Clomid.  So they google “Clomid Twins” and come up with that blog  entry.  But my favorite post from May was about Biology.  I had run out of my Cakie donor sperm.  I mused about why biology seems so important to so many of us.

In June I wrote my most popular post ever.  It gives me an ego boost, my dears.  And it really makes me happy that I’m writing my book finally.

In July I found my babydaddy…er — donor.

August found me driving back and forth from Wildwood, NJ to Manhattan several times while on “vacation” to get my blood-tests and an IUI.  Then, I soon found out that just because I act like a martyr, does not mean I get to be a  pregnant martyr.  You guys cheered me up.  Thanks for that.

September was a little crazy.  I did my first round of injectionables.  The timing was off, so I only had one good egg.  In other words, I gave myself an injection in the stomach every day for two weeks for no reason at all.  Then I got even crazier and became conVINCED I was pregnant because my b0obs hurt.  I mean, they hurt just like a pregnant lady’s b00bs hurt.  Now I know.  So I was walking around as though I were pregnant, touching my belly, talking to the “embryo,” etc.  Of course when the blood came that month it was a really bad scene.  I was cheered up, however by the arrival of a certain blessed star.

October was a very lucky month indeed.  Egg met sperm at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  How cool is that?

I didn’t find out about the eggy/spermy rendezvous until November.  It was weird.  I didn’t really want to tell people, once I knew for sure and I had gotten the pink ghost and the beta.  But you all were checking and checking and checking, so I had to let you know.  That’s when I pissed myself off. I’d blogged myself into a corner, so to speak.

This post is taking about a year to write.  I need to go lie down.  I’ve covered the TTC portion of the year.  Tomorrow I’ll write part II about my pregnancy.

Thanks for reading.  Have some cake.



Filed under blogitty blog blog, First Trimester, IUI, LGBT, My Book, NYC What is it about you?, sperm shopping, the big guns, TTC, Waiting and waiting and...

Weird Baby Dream, Part II

I had a dream that I gave birth to a son.

He was taller than Cakie, who is two.

He had blond hair and looked like Dennis the Menace.

We named him Stewart.

The weirdest part of the dream was not that my bi-racial son had blond, straight hair, or that he was taller than my tall two-year-old at birth.

The weirdest part is that we named him “Stewart.” That’s just not going to happen. (No offense to any Stewarts out there. It is just not a name on any list we currently have.)


Filed under First Trimester

How Do I Look?

Some lady who I don’t know well, looked at me in the elevator of our building while I was wearing my down full-length coat and said “Sooooo…. how far along are you?”  I was a little taken aback.  I mean.  I have been wearing maternity pants since week 8, but I did not think I actually look pregnant.  But my coat, when there is stuff in the pockets, kinda does make me look pregnant.  I said, “Well, I am pregnant, but not very much.  Only 11 weeks.  I think this coat makes me look big.”  And the stranger replied, “Well, you’re usually just so slender, I could just tell.”   “Oh.  Thanks.”

The next morning as I was taking EVERYTHING out of my coat pockets, Gwen stopped by (she’s a little like Kramer on Seinfeld, but not as strange.)  I told her what the lady said on the elevator and I said, “I think the coat makes me look pregnant.”  To which she replied, “You ARE pregnant.”  Right.  There is that.

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Filed under First Trimester

The Best Day

What is my new favorite holiday? Christmas? No! Kwanzaa? Uh-uh.

It is Eid Al Adha. Am I muslim? No. Do I get to go to lots of friends houses and get tons of money from them while I eat their food? No. But my students do. EIGHT of them did today. So I had a class of ten students. Ten! Ten little cherubs. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my kids. But oh what a beautiful thing to be able to give all of my attention to half of them. It was like an early vacation. Aaaahhhhh.

AND I had a little Eid Al Adha miracle, as well. The financial lady from my first-choice midwives’ office, I’ll call them ABC midwives, called me to discuss the finances in case a spot opened up. I sweet-talked her. I told her about how we had our childbirth classes for my partner’s birth in her office and I had a soft spot for them. I think I kind of begged. Anyway, less than an hour later, I get this message on my voicemail, “This is C from ABC midwives, we’ve managed to work a little magic and to secure a spot for you for July. (GASP from me!) But you must attend our orientation on January 2.” Oh. My. God. I will soooooo be there! Thank you god and allah and the great spirit and the ocean and the trees and the freakin’ goddess of parking spots. I have a midwife.

Now I just have to figure out how to pay for her.


Filed under First Trimester, teaching

I Know I’m Unlovable…

I’m having a little pity party for myself here.

It seems all of the midwives at the hospital where I want to deliver are taken for the month of July.  As is the wonderful midwife who works with the hospital I don’t like. I knew this about the midwives at my hospital of choice, but I let Dr. Mug talk me out of calling them right away.  Damn doctors.  I always do what they say, just because they can name every single bone in my body.

So I got an email back from one highly-recommended midwife, who said that she’s probably not going to do deliveries this summer, but I should try her partner.  So I called the office, because since this partner will be working with some other midwife based in the Bronx, there is a chance that this partner will be working out of the Bronx. (I will not be driving to the Bronx for my midwife appointments.  No way, no how.) The answering service was there and the guy was rude to me.  Being pregnant, crazy and already upset, I proceeded to cry for, like, a half an hour.

I’m sure everything will turn out for the best, but right now I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  Which I hate doing, because my life pretty much rocks (you saw my kitchen, right?)

The midwife with the dumb answering service guy–his name is NEIL, no anonymity for you, rude guy–has a nice crunchy-sounding profile on the web.  She also has a degree and English Lit and Theatre, just like yours truly.  Hopefully she’s not too crunchy, but just crunchy enough.  She works with my friend Gwen’s doctor, who Gwen likes a lot.  And she’s very new to the practice, so she probably is not booked.  Plus Gwen is pretty sure she takes my insurance because she claims she’s seen women furiously writing report cards in the doctor’s waiting room.  So hopefully I will like her and we’ll go with that.  Ok.  I think I’ve talked myself down.  Thanks for listening.


Filed under First Trimester

Double Eek!

The midwife I wanted is booked for July.

I’m afraid I’ve waited too long.  New York is cut-throat, man.

So I called a midwife who I like, but I don’t like her hospital.  Waiting to hear back from her.  Cross your toes.

PS Go see pictures of my new sexy kitchen at momtourage!


Filed under First Trimester, Uncategorized

Blah. And eek.

I ate something wrong.

I’ve been very lucky in that I have not been very sick.  The only time I’ve been sick is when I have eaten something too sweet.  This morning I ate half a banana muffin and I think it has nearly killed me.  I didn’t think a muffin would count.  But I’ve felt like a real pregnant lady all day and I have not liked it one bit.  I almost — but did not — threw up today and I even went as far as saying aloud in front of my kids, “Ugh, I feel so sick.”  To which they replied, “You should have stayed home so we could have a substitute!”  Which really made me feel like teacher of the year, let me tell you.  Again, I can’t complain.  But it is my blog, so I am.

So I have something else to complain about.  It is so hard not to worry.  I’m trying to be level-headed about this whole pregnancy thing.  I mean, I am a little up-in-the-air to begin with, and I tend to worry too much.  So I thought the best and healthiest tactic would be to assume nothing is wrong with the pregnancy and go about as if I didn’t know anything about such evils as Trisomy 18 and all the other things that will kill a child before its first birthday.  I think so far I’ve done a pretty good job.  Now that I’ve told some people, since I’m officially according to the doctor in the clear, I’m even a little more nervous that something will go wrong.

I was ok until my doctor’s appointment.  It kinda sucked.  I was eight weeks and three days pregnant.  I knew this.  I even had a letter from my other doctor from the week before saying I was seven weeks and three days pregnant.  So after making me wait two hours, then handing me some terrible pamphlets about all the things that could be wrong with my little dickens, before she even sat down with me, the doctor took a brief internal ultrasound and decided I was nine weeks pregnant.  Now she knew that I am gay and that I underwent fertility treatment.  I was so sick from the subway and tired from being there on a school night and waiting two hours, and you know, pregnant, I couldn’t tell her the exact date of my insemination.  So then she argued with me about the age of my embryo.  Why?  Because the size of the embryo was not consistent with eight weeks, it was consistent with nine weeks.  Her computer told her so.   So?  Can’t my embryo just be big for its age?

So then I started wondering if there is something wrong with the little thing.  Does it have gigantism?  A huge cyst on its head perhaps?  What the hell?

I also started looking around for a midwife.  I don’t know what I was doing in a damn doctor’s office to begin with. No matter how much of my mind I have lost, I need to know who I am and what I need.  And a freaking doctor is not it.  So if any of you New Yorkers know of a midwife who delivers at Roosevelt Hospital and has a working relationship with a doctor there, please let me know.  I’m working on one such place, but nothing has been finalized.  Gracias.


Filed under First Trimester, teaching