The last one worked wonders. Two of my friends got pregnant using it, one was on the first try. This is not scientific evidence or anything… but crossing fingers and picking up lucky pennies count in situations like this. So I’m doing it again.
Here’s how it works… I know how rough the TWW can be. I did it 11 times. I think I could maybe write an Elizabeth Kubler-Ross-esque book on the stages of denial and anger and joy that one goes through in those two weeks. So a while back, I thought, wouldn’t it be fun if I could make an advent calendar like the Christmas ones? And each day of the TWW you could open a little window and get a treat? That might make it ever-so-slightly easier to bear. Now I have a very small handful of friends who have secretly told me they are TTC. So this is for you, my secret IRL friends… and for you, too, my virtual friends. May you only have to do one TWW! And if you have to do two, I have two calendars, now. Open one link each day of your wait.
Stage 1 — Excitement
Day 1 Get pumped. Imagine each person in the audience is a 100,000 swimmers, each one working toward the same goal. Scroll down and click on the DipDive video link. Don’t read the article first. Just watch.
Day 2 Positive visualization. Since this is a live-streaming link, it may not work forever. Let me know if I need to change it. Imagine this is you. If you are a vegetarian, this might not work for you. 🙂
Day 3 Some more positive visualization. Short but sweet.
Stage 2 — Denial. You might be thinking, depending on how many TWWs you’ve experienced, what am I doing? I’m going to jinx this try. Stop thinking about it! Stop! Stop! So here are a few days worth of distraction.
Day 4 — Is it day 14 yet? Wait, day 14 of what? I’m not doing a TWW! I’m just my plain old self, not even thinking about such a thing at all.
Day 5 — Pick one and go see it. While you have the time, money and energy. 🙂
Day 6 — You are almost through the first week of the-thing-that-shall-not-be-named. Not that I’m naming it, or anything. Why don’t you celebrate with some cake? (This is my favorite blog… always good for a laugh, so surf away there while you ignore that thing you’re not ignoring, kay?)
Day 7 — If you really want to get distracted for hours and hours on end, try this… I mean, you are already on the computer, so you probably already do. But if you don’t I’m sure you have some long-lost friends out there wishing you would.
Stage 3 — Trying to ignore, yet simultaneously causing, physical signs of pregnancy. Physical signs of pregnancy, by the way, are evilly similar to those of PMS. Just breathe, my dear. Breathe. And get your hands off of your b00bs. Your prodding is what’s making them sore.
Day 8 — I know what will stop you from groping yourself… put yourself in a white over-the-car luggage holder in a bathroom stall. Yeah. That ought to do the trick. Or, maybe try wearing a sparky, flamey-type bra thing. (Try to ignore the vodka. You may have some in a few days. Or not. Both wouldn’t be a bad thing. Unless you are in recovery. Then just try to focus on the costumes!)
Day 9 — Fu*k it. Go shopping. Just… stay away from that baby button. EEehh! I saw that. It is too early. Focus on yourself while you still can. If you are pregnant, it won’t be about you anymore. And for my lesbian friends, you may be spending so much on baby making supplies… what’s another $50 to spend on yourself? Nothing! A drop in the pan. Go. You have my blessing.
Day 10 — I said stop touching your b00bs. And that goes for your partner, too. Nah. She can, but you can’t. Sorry. I’m getting off the point. The point is, you only have a few more days to go. Yes, the cramp you felt yesterday could be PMS. It could also be implantation pain. But since there’s no way knowing which at this point, why don’t you just look at this.
Stage 3 — Wanting it to end. Trying not to test too soon. Really, really wanting it to end.
Day 11 — Put down that pee stick! Put it down and back away. If you test now, it will be negative and you will feel sad, quite possibly for no good reason. Why don’t you just try to meditate. And if you feel nauseated, you’ll know the real reason.
Day 12 — You may want another positive visualization at this point. If you are trying for the first child, look at this. If you are working on making a sibling, open this oldie but goodie. (Yeah, this was on the first calendar, but I figured I should carry over some mojo from there.) If you are an amazing master of your own mind and you still are ignoring that thing that will be over in two days (go, you!) Watch this. (Ok, you can all watch that one.)
Day 13 — Please wait one more day to test. I mean, you can go ahead and test, but I recommend waiting just one more day. Look, you waited 13 already. You can do it. Where ever you are on your journey, I ‘m glad you’ve bothered to spend some time during the trip at my humble little blog. And here, I give you the beginning of my final TWW. And here, the end. I hope this is the end of your final one, but if not, that’s ok, too. Let me know how it goes. XOXO!
Day 14 — Take the test already. And don’t be a stranger.