When I lived in Provincetown for a summer, there was a T-shirt in one of the toursity-gifty shops with art by one of those crafty greeting-card women that said that: My Head Is Full of Children. And it had a picture of a head. And there were children all over the woman’s head. And she looked happy for it.
Well. My head is full of children.
I wake up and dress and feed and prepare lunches for them. Then I drop them off at various places. Then I go to my workplace — which is full of children. And then I go straight from my workplace to the other building of my workplace to get my eldest child. Then we walk home. Perhaps run and errand together, then pick up the youngest child. Feed, bathe, jammy, read, bed them. My head is full of children.
There is happy and ummm…not the opposite of happy, but not happy, to this situation.
Here’s some of the happy:
- My son’s warm hand in my cold one, walking to school on a chilly October day.
- Looking at, and discussing various Halloween decorations on our walk.
- Listening to my eldest opine about choice time in his kindergarten. Listening to him retell the read alouds. Trying very hard not to jump in and reveal that I know how the story ends.
- Seeing my little one dressed in a vest and a hoodie with the hood up and his little curls flipping over the edge of the hood.
- Every little success I have in making and getting the children to eat healthy(ish) fast(ish) food made by moi.
- The children I spend my day with? The students? They are an amazing, hilarious, interesting group of people. I love them.
- Seeing how responsible my Cakie is about doing his little kindergarten homework.
Here’s some of the not-exactly-opposite-of-happy:
- My baby is two. Full-on one-hundred percent two. Melt-down city.
- I don’t even have any kind of cushion of time for myself. I have a sitter twice a week after school. For one of the days I plan with the third grade. For the other day I plan with my co-teacher. Done. Then I pick up Cakie.
- If I stop home before I pick up the two-year-old, the five-year-old is really difficult to wrench back out of the house to fetch two-year-old. I wish I could flash back to the seventies and just leave him there for the ten minutes it takes me to cross the street and fetch the melt-down king. But I cannot.
- I never get to cook. Not for real. My co-teacher was sick yesterday when we usually plan, so I got to make potato leek soup. It was awesome.
- My honey doesn’t get home until at least 7:30 most nights. That just sucks.
- What I really really want is to go out with some adults and drink some freaking alcohol. But if I do, I’ll get horribly sick because of my stupid stomach/intestinal problems which have yet to be resolved. Don’t I deserve some good motherf*cking white wine about now? Don’t I? Huh???
- I have no time to putter in my classroom. I miss puttering in my classroom.
I’m in limbo a bit.
That’s all I have to say right now.
Thanks for listening.