When A was pregnant with Cakie, our birth educator asked each person in the class to describe how they deal with pain. That’s when I realized that for me, telling other people what hurts and how much it hurts really helps me cope.
So let me tell you about my belly.
It has hurt on and off since March.
I finally went to my holistic-yet-still-traditional doctor yesterday. And would you believe her holistic-yet-still-traditional ass? She told me to go dairy-free for two weeks. But I’ll tell you something about lactose intolerance, it will not be tolerated. I can’t have that. I love cheese. I’m facebook friends with cheese for god’s sake. I had a retirement plan to become a cheese expert. Plus, I’m not even sure I believe in it. At least not for women with as much Britain in them as I have. I’m about 1/4 Scottish, 2/4 English and Irish (more English than Irish) and the rest Luthuanian, with a little French Canadian. My point being, my people eat cheese. We eat cheese. We eat cheese on our deathbeds.
Needless to say, my first dairy-free day hasn’t gone so well. Considering last week I quit drinking coffee to help my stomach, I’m already a royal bitch. But I pretty-much lost it when my colleagues ran into the room where I was eating lunch with birthday cake for my friend. Red-mother-F’ing-velvet cake. I’m proud of myself for not bursting into tears. But I’m about to right now just remembering the cupcake I didn’t even taste. Everyone’s life should be so hard. Ugh. I’m so spoiled.
Anyway, if it isn’t lactose intolerance, which it isn’t. It might be IBS which has such an ugly name I’m not going to spell it out. I have most of the symptoms for that. The thing that sucks about that one is that it is chronic. And you can’t have caffeine. Frankly, I’d rather have cheese. And ice cream. And pizza. Of course my disgestive issues also might be a few other things.
As if to prove that there is no possibility in the world of my having a lactose intolerance, my whole digestive system is out of whack right now and I’m in pain, topped off with a no-coffee headache.
I am grateful for everything I do have. Grateful and cranky as hell.
Good night, dearies.