New Baby Assvice

I was thinking of this this morning.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because sometimes my b00bies feel like they are having a milk let-down, even though that makes no sense.  I have some advice for brand new moms.  Because I just KNOW nobody is offering any to you.

1.  If you are trying to breastfeed and anyone tells you to supplement and acts as though your baby’s life depends on it please do the following: nod, smile, and call a lactation consultant.  Don’t worry about the fee, it will pay itself back in lack of formula expenses tenfold.  It seems that nobody trusts your b00bs the way an LC does.  Not your doctor, not your baby’s doctor.  Thank me later.

2. Wait a week.  Whatever it is that’s driving you bazanas, or worrying you sick… just try to stay chill and wait a week.  It may just change.  Unless it is something about which you should call the doctor.  Then just call the doctor.

3. Call the doctor.  Don’t worry about bothering him or her.  Just make the call when you are worried.  It will make you feel better.

4.  If somebody gives you annoying advice on the street (this may just be for New York moms.  Does this happen elsewhere?)  Smile and say either, “Thanks for letting me know,”  or  “Thanks, I’ve got it under control.”  Remember, they are trying to be helpful and have no idea how mad they just made you.  Or you could just bonk them on the head.

5. Don’t forget to love your honey.  You are both tired and easily annoyed right now.  Remember why you chose her (or him) to have this baby with in the first place.  And go on a date as soon as you are able.  Nurture that love, honey.  You’ll be glad you did.

I don’t know why I’m getting all preachy.  Perhaps because it is Sunday?  Or because I don’t feel like I have anything real to write about?  Maybe I just want you to ignore that last post?  Who knows?



Filed under b00b food, nothing at all, Post partum

7 responses to “New Baby Assvice

  1. 🙂 Would you look at that ball of cuteness? I can’t wait to squish her. But, you know, not too hard.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with all, but would add to #1 “or your local La Leche League leader.”

    Personally, I got a TON more help there than from my LC, who had to work with and within the hospital and pediatricians’ rules and less-than-baby-friendly practices.

  3. much appreciated. and i trust you more than the masses of women on the street trying to give me preggy advice. so see, it’s not just new york. idaho moms are nosey and mouthy too.

  4. Kim

    So true on all of it. Especially the boob advice. My baby is 11 months old and is still thanking me for it. So is my wallet. 🙂 And no, those people with advice? Not just in NY…

  5. Alli-K

    I’m sure the lady who pounded on my car window in the Babies R Us parking lot to let me know that my new crib bumper could smother my baby really did mean well. And, her fervor did make me paranoid enough to forego the pretty bumper I had purchased and buy a hideous-looking “breatheable bumper”….

    As for laction consultants, yes, get one! But two things: (1) If breastfeeding doesn’t work for you, don’t let the zealots make you feel bad. Seriously, there is nothing inherently evil with formula. It’s right up there with the birth control pill in how it has allowed women to pursue work outside their homes. Let’s not knock it too hard, folks. (2) If you don’t trust the hospital-sponsored lactation help and the La Leche Leaguers weird you out, look for a private lactation consultant. If you live in or near a decent-sized city, you can probably find one, and hiring her almost certainly will be money well-spent.

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