Did I ever mention my two personalities?
I have the crunchy-granola earth mother side. She’s all kum-bye-ya and shit.
Then I have the I’m-just-a-little-too-tired-and-cynical-to-bother side. She’s louder. She’s totally a more assertive personality.
They are constantly fighting in my head.
It goes a little something like this:
Kum-bye-ya: Why the hell are you using those evil landfill-filling drop in bottles? You know they suck for the environment.
Cynical: Right, like those Dr. Brown’s numbers that sent all sorts of chemicals into Cakie’s system? And you spent a half-an-hour every night washing them? In WATER? A precious natural resource? Not to mention the energy spent heating the water and running the microwave with that steamer thing? Fuck it. There’s less plastic in all the drop-ins we’ve used so far than there were in the ten Dr. Browns bottles we had to throw away, lest they poison someone else’s kid. There’s more plastic in half an exersaucer. And we never bought a new one of those. Plus, we got these drop in bottles second-hand. Reduce, REUSE, recycle, honey.
Kum-bye-ya: But, ummm, they’re disposable. We suck. We might as well be eating all of our meals off of plastic plates.
Cynical: We may suck. But aren’t you glad you’re sitting here blogging instead of washing bottles? Plus, you don’t see anyone fretting over all the damn StarSucks cups they use. We make our coffee at home. Think of the trees we save. It all balances out. And we don’t drive an SUV. We’re actually saving landfill space by continuing to drive our 1996 Nissan. (And only about once a week, at that.) Think of that, Miss Earthy.
Kum-bye-ya: Oh, shut up. I mean, peace. Like, chill out. You’d better not let the internet lesbians get wind of this.
Cynical: Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.