Monthly Archives: March 2010

A Poem a Day?

I may have just lost my mind.  I signed up to blog a poem a day for a month.  Shall I apologize in advance?  No.  Maybe it will get my juices flowing or something.  Oye.  Besides,  this thing is anonymous.  I may as well be hanging up a rhyming couplet about wiping the seat in the teachers’ restroom.

Edited:  I’ve decided to post the poems on a new blog with my name attached.  So, there’s no link here, since this blog is anonymous.  Sorry.  😦  The above link is from 2009, here’s the 2010 link.  If you do know me, you can just find my name and click.

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Brothers

Trucker has started to want to play, in earnest, with his big brother.  I get these crazy drives to get them out of the house.  We have very sensitive, annoying, downstairs neighbors.  And we have the TV.  Sometimes I just want to pull them away as fast as I can from both.  Such was the case the other day.  I got them out of the house in record time.  I had Cake’s scooter and Trucker’s cloth-covered volleyball.  We were ready for action.  And then we got downstairs.  Rain.  What was I thinking?  Why did I assume it would be any different than it had been for weeks.  But I couldn’t bring them back up to the apartment.  I just couldn’t.  Mind you, I didn’t even have a rain cover on the stroller.  I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood where the immigrants, be they from Mexico or Poland, all dress their babies in layers and layers and blankets and a rain cover on even the slightest dip below 70 degrees (I exaggerate, but you get the point).  And the older residents have no problem telling you about anything they disagree with in the way you’ve chosen to dress your child.  So I was already going rogue just by being outside.  I told Cake we could go around the block and then go home.  But by the time we got around the block, Cakie was on autopilot and headed right for the playground.  OK.  WTF?  Why not?  So we went to the big open paved area where C usually rides his bike.  Mind you,  Trucker was wearing cotton pants.  No rain boots.  No jeans.   He just had cotton pants and a jacket.  The place was covered in puddles.  But the brothers?  They didn’t care a lick.  They started kicking the ball around.  Trucker was shrieking his head off with laughter.  So was Cake.  It was as if they were both brought to this planet to play this kick-the-ball game in this puddley yard on this cold rainy day.  The ball, being covered in cloth, became a big sponge.  The cotton pants, being fulumped into puddles, also became cold, wet sponges on the baby’s little pudge legs.  But the laughter did not stop.  It was so fun for them, but a little hard for me.  At what point do I step up, be a mom, and make them go home for some warm clothes?  It sucked.  But at one point I finally gave in to my mom side and tried to get them to leave.  Oh!  The drama!  People probably thought I was beating poor Trucker as I tried to get him into the stroller, so long and mournful were his cries.  I wish I could have just let them play and play.  But I was kind of worried about how cold they were.  I was cold and I wasn’t even wet.

I’m glad I didn’t go right upstairs, though.  And I’m glad I went to the playground and not just back home after we went around the block.  I look forward to more Cakie – Trucker fun.  I feel so lucky to have these happy brothers.  So very lucky.

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Filed under my second son, my son, Trucker

Two-Week Wait Advent Calendar #2

The last one worked wonders. Two of my friends got pregnant using it, one was on the first try.  This is not scientific evidence or anything… but crossing fingers and picking up lucky pennies count in situations like this.  So I’m doing it again.

Here’s how it works… I know how rough the TWW can be.  I did it 11 times.  I think I could maybe write an Elizabeth Kubler-Ross-esque book on the stages of denial and anger and joy that one goes through in those two weeks.  So a while back, I thought, wouldn’t it be fun if I could make an advent calendar like the Christmas ones?  And each day of the TWW you could open a little window and get a treat?  That might make it ever-so-slightly easier to bear.  Now I have a very small handful of friends who have secretly told me they are TTC.  So this is for you, my secret IRL friends… and for you, too, my virtual friends.  May you only have to do one TWW!  And if you have to do two, I have two calendars, now. Open one link each day of your wait.

Stage 1 — Excitement

Day 1  Get pumped.  Imagine each person in the audience is a 100,000 swimmers, each one working toward the same goal.  Scroll down and click on the DipDive video link.  Don’t read the article first.  Just watch.

Day 2 Positive visualization.  Since this is a live-streaming link, it may not work forever.  Let me know if I need to change it.  Imagine this is you. If you are a vegetarian, this might not work for you. 🙂

Day 3 Some more positive visualization.  Short but sweet.

Stage 2 — Denial. You might be thinking, depending on how many TWWs you’ve experienced, what am I doing?  I’m going to jinx this try.  Stop thinking about it!  Stop! Stop! So here are a few days worth of distraction.

Day 4 — Is it day 14 yet?  Wait, day 14 of what?  I’m not doing a TWW!  I’m just my plain old self, not even thinking about such a thing at all.

Day 5 — Pick one and go see it.  While you have the time, money and energy.  🙂

Day 6 — You are almost through the first week of the-thing-that-shall-not-be-named.  Not that I’m naming it, or anything. Why don’t you celebrate with some cake? (This is my favorite blog… always good for a laugh, so surf away there while you ignore that thing you’re not ignoring, kay?)

Day 7 — If you really want to get distracted for hours and hours on end, try this… I mean, you are already on the computer, so you probably already do.  But if you don’t I’m sure you have some long-lost friends out there wishing you would.

Stage 3 — Trying to ignore, yet simultaneously causing, physical signs of pregnancy.  Physical signs of pregnancy, by the way, are evilly similar to those of PMS.  Just breathe, my dear.  Breathe.  And get your hands off of your b00bs.  Your prodding is what’s making them sore.

Day 8 — I know what will stop you from groping yourself… put yourself in a white over-the-car luggage holder in a bathroom stall. Yeah.  That ought to do the trick.  Or, maybe try wearing a sparky, flamey-type bra thing. (Try to ignore the vodka.  You may have some in a few days.  Or not.  Both wouldn’t be a bad thing.  Unless you are in recovery.  Then just try to focus on the costumes!)

Day 9 — Fu*k it.  Go shopping.  Just… stay away from that baby button. EEehh!  I saw that.  It is too early.  Focus on yourself while you still can.  If you are pregnant, it won’t be about you anymore.  And for my lesbian friends, you may be spending so much on baby making supplies… what’s another $50 to spend on yourself?  Nothing!  A drop in the pan.  Go.  You have my blessing.

Day 10 —  I said stop touching your b00bs.  And that goes for your partner, too.  Nah.  She can, but you can’t.  Sorry.  I’m getting off the point.  The point is, you only have a few more days to go.  Yes, the cramp you felt yesterday could be PMS.  It could also be implantation pain.  But since there’s no way knowing which at this point, why don’t you just look at this.

Stage 3 — Wanting it to end.  Trying not to test too soon.  Really, really wanting it to end.

Day 11 — Put down that pee stick!  Put it down and back away.  If you test now, it will be negative and you will feel sad, quite possibly for no good reason.  Why don’t you just try to meditate. And if you feel nauseated, you’ll know the real reason.

Day 12 — You may want another positive visualization at this point.  If you are trying for the first child, look at this.  If you are working on making a sibling, open this oldie but goodie. (Yeah, this was on the first calendar, but I figured I should carry over some mojo from there.) If you are an amazing master of your own mind and you still are ignoring that thing that will be over in two days (go, you!)  Watch this. (Ok, you can all watch that one.)

Day 13 — Please wait one more day to test.  I mean, you can go ahead and test, but I recommend waiting just one more day.  Look, you waited 13 already.  You can do it.  Where ever you are on your journey, I ‘m glad you’ve bothered to spend some time during the trip at my humble little blog.  And here, I give you the beginning of my final TWW.  And here, the end.  I hope this is the end of your final one, but if not, that’s ok, too.  Let me know how it goes.  XOXO!

Day 14 — Take the test already.  And don’t be a stranger.

Love,

ohm

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Filed under blogitty blog blog, TTC, Uncategorized, Waiting and waiting and...

New Baby Assvice

I was thinking of this this morning.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because sometimes my b00bies feel like they are having a milk let-down, even though that makes no sense.  I have some advice for brand new moms.  Because I just KNOW nobody is offering any to you.

1.  If you are trying to breastfeed and anyone tells you to supplement and acts as though your baby’s life depends on it please do the following: nod, smile, and call a lactation consultant.  Don’t worry about the fee, it will pay itself back in lack of formula expenses tenfold.  It seems that nobody trusts your b00bs the way an LC does.  Not your doctor, not your baby’s doctor.  Thank me later.

2. Wait a week.  Whatever it is that’s driving you bazanas, or worrying you sick… just try to stay chill and wait a week.  It may just change.  Unless it is something about which you should call the doctor.  Then just call the doctor.

3. Call the doctor.  Don’t worry about bothering him or her.  Just make the call when you are worried.  It will make you feel better.

4.  If somebody gives you annoying advice on the street (this may just be for New York moms.  Does this happen elsewhere?)  Smile and say either, “Thanks for letting me know,”  or  “Thanks, I’ve got it under control.”  Remember, they are trying to be helpful and have no idea how mad they just made you.  Or you could just bonk them on the head.

5. Don’t forget to love your honey.  You are both tired and easily annoyed right now.  Remember why you chose her (or him) to have this baby with in the first place.  And go on a date as soon as you are able.  Nurture that love, honey.  You’ll be glad you did.

I don’t know why I’m getting all preachy.  Perhaps because it is Sunday?  Or because I don’t feel like I have anything real to write about?  Maybe I just want you to ignore that last post?  Who knows?

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Filed under b00b food, nothing at all, Post partum

The Angel and the Devil

Did I ever mention my two personalities?

I have the crunchy-granola earth mother side.  She’s all kum-bye-ya and shit.

Then I have the I’m-just-a-little-too-tired-and-cynical-to-bother side.  She’s louder.  She’s totally a more assertive personality.

They are constantly fighting in my head.

It goes a little something like this:

Kum-bye-ya:  Why the hell are you using those evil landfill-filling drop in bottles?  You know they suck for the environment.

Cynical: Right, like those Dr. Brown’s numbers that sent all sorts of chemicals into Cakie’s system?  And you spent a half-an-hour every night washing them?  In WATER?  A precious natural resource?  Not to mention the energy spent heating the water and running the microwave with that steamer thing?  Fuck it.  There’s less plastic in all the drop-ins we’ve used so far than there were in the ten Dr. Browns bottles we had to throw away, lest they poison someone else’s kid.  There’s more plastic in half an exersaucer.  And we never bought a new one of those.  Plus, we got these drop in bottles second-hand.  Reduce, REUSE, recycle, honey.

Kum-bye-ya: But, ummm,  they’re disposable.  We suck.  We might as well be eating all of our meals off of plastic plates.

Cynical:  We may suck.  But aren’t you glad you’re sitting here blogging instead of washing bottles?  Plus, you don’t see anyone fretting over all the damn StarSucks cups they use.  We make our coffee at home.  Think of the trees we save.  It all balances out.  And we don’t drive an SUV.  We’re actually saving landfill space by continuing to drive our 1996 Nissan. (And only about once a week, at that.) Think of that, Miss Earthy.

Kum-bye-ya: Oh, shut up.  I mean,  peace.  Like, chill out.  You’d better not let the internet lesbians get wind of this.

Cynical: Don’t worry.  Your secret’s safe with me.

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Filed under baby gear, nothing at all

Research

Its not as though he spends every waking moment looking out the window at the highway.

PS Congrats to the familyo on their new little mini-Lo.  They haven’t posted about it as far as I know, so I hope it isn’t bad that I’m saying congrats.  But I cain’t stop mahself — CONGRATS!!!!

PPS  I promise to post something real after parent-teacher conferences, which are tomorrow.  Oye.

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Extreme Truckin’

Sometimes, truck watching out the window just isn’t good enough.

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