This a little follow-up to a post written by firsttimesecondtime, the link is in my last post.
I’m thinking about baby hogging. While I was reading ftst’s post about how she’s a little afraid her personality might cause her to become that very same type of gestational parent baby hog she often dislikes in other relationships, it made me think about personalities. There are at least three personalities in a two-parent lesbian home. Yours, your partner’s and the baby’s. Much like ftst, I find myself grateful that my partner gave birth first, becuase I’m more emotionally needy that my honey. My baby, surprise surprise, is a little needy, too. At least at this moment. Trucker is going through his stranger anxiety phase. When Cakie went through this phase, a stranger was anyone but me or my honey. For Trucker, a stanger is anyone but me — me or Ms. Gigi at daycare. If the roles had been reversed, I probably would have been crushed by the baby’s preference for his gestational parent. I would have known intellectually that it is just a phase, but I would have taken it harder. It may also be easier because Trucker is our second child, but my honey’s personality fits into this scenario quite well. I give her the baby, he turns to me in distress, and she just looks at him and says, “Listen, I pay half the bills, change half the diapers, and put you to bed half the time. So you’re going to hang out with Mama now and you’re going to like it.”
I just feel lucky that our personaities match our roles right now.
That said, I’m not a baby hog in a I-want-the-baby-all-the-time way. I am perfectly happy to leave Truck with A and take Cakie to the food coop for some less-urgent grocery shopping. I like getting away from him both for time alone with Cakie or my honey and for some occasional time to myself. It is only those times when he’s crying for me that I just want to take him away from whomever has him at the moment and hug him and make him feel safe. Which is natural, I guess. I also notice that if we are out as a family, I spend more time holding Trucker and A spends more time with Cakie. This is probably partly because it is easier for both adults. But I guess we should make a point to mix it up more often.
Does anyone else who has taken turns have any more insight into this baby hogging business?