Facebook Ate My Blog

What can I say?  I have 192 “friends” at my beck and call from my very own livingroom.

But I still love you guys if you still love me.

I’m pretty sure my breast pump sucks out braincells.  Just a few per ounce, but it is starting to add up.

The breast pump also talks.  Sometimes mine says funny things, considering what it is doing.

Sometimes it says “double, double, double, double…”

The one at work says “loop hole, loop hole, loop hole…”

What does your breastpump say?

If you aren’t pumping, what would your pump say if you had one?

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16 Comments

Filed under b00b food

16 responses to “Facebook Ate My Blog

  1. CD

    oh man, we’ve made up all sorts of words the pump says…first it was “make milk, make milk, make milk,”…then it was the name of our dog, “ringo, ringo, ringo”…I can’t even think of any others but there have been many in the past 6 months!

  2. oh! my breastpump talks all the time. mostly it says, ‘you’re a ho, you’re a ho’.

  3. sn

    danger, danger, danger.
    i think it feeds off my pumping not breastfeeding resentment.
    and yes, it does suck out brain cells.

  4. Sometimes mine says “powdered milk, powdered milk.” Other times, I swear to God, it says “we’re not poooor, we’re not pooor. ” (the stresses go like this: soft, soft, hard.) My partner hears the “we’re not poor as well,” which is kind of a good reminder that even though we are, technically speaking, kind of poor, we are rich to have a little one to be pumping for in the first place.

  5. S.

    I’m not pumping now–just passed my pump along to my sister-in-law last weekend, actually–but mine said “we cahrpool, we cahrpool.” It was kind of a smug, smarmy breastpump, you know?

  6. Oh my God. So MUCH to respond to here!

    1 – Facebook. Yes. Signed up a few weeks ago and I’m hooked. I still don’t get the appeal of throwing imaginary objects at people, but other than that, I’m loving it.

    2 – Just a few weeks ago, I proposed the theory that the reason breastfeeding makes kids smarter (not being judgy, just citing some studies) is that the milk is made from mom’s brain cells!

    3 – The pump totally talks. It’s like an auditory Rorschach Test.

    A few of mine’s greatest hits:

    “Loser McCain, Loser McCain”
    This was shortly after the presidential election, of course.

    “Tina Fey, Tina Fey”
    Ditto.

    “You’re never home / You never phone”
    I have no idea. This was while Shrike was home 24/7, on parental leave, so no explanation there.

    “We’re losing control, we’re losing control”
    Heard by Shrike in the lactation room of Children’s Hospital, as we discovered that 11-day-old Peeper has peed OUTSIDE of the THIRD urine-collection bag in a row.

    “It doesn’t pay, it doesn’t pay”
    This was a particularly low point for me. Peeper was a month old, still not nursing, and I feared she never would.

    Shrike had just gone back to work, and my day consisted of giving her a bottle, putting her down to cry while I pumped, lather / rinse / repeat.

    When I heard the pump say that, I picked up the phone and called my La Leche League leader.

    (10 days later, Peeper started nursing, and a week later, she had her last bottle, to date!)

    Coming Soon:
    Now that we’ve been nursing exclusively for almost 9 weeks, “we” are “ready” to do some “babysitter bottles” on occasion, so I’ll be doing some pumping again. (after 6 weeks of none)

    Should be interesting to see what that little bastard has to say for itself now.

  7. sn

    wacko, wacko, wacko? watch out? watch out? watch out? can’t quite make it out, but it is definitely scolding me.

  8. CD

    i always thought my pump was talking to me and I felt a little crazy about it.
    At first it said “make more milk” – which was a ton of pressure for someone with supply issues.

    But now it usually is saying our animals names, scolding them I’m sure.

    Facebook has also taken over my life/blog. I’m pretty sure you’re my NYC doppleganger – it probably began when we conceived on the same day.

  9. SP

    i always thought my pump was talking to me and I felt a little crazy about it.
    At first it said “make more milk” – which was a ton of pressure for someone with supply issues.

    But now it usually is saying our animals names, scolding them I’m sure.

    Facebook has also taken over my life/blog. I’m pretty sure you’re my NYC doppleganger – it probably began when we conceived on the same day.

  10. Oh dear this is a side of motherhood I have never considered.

  11. OMG, Whozat! LOL.
    (I only write LOL if I’m actually LingOl, BTW)
    I think the bastard will say, “good job! good job! good job! good job!” But it will sound vaguely like “trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble.”

    Now, how can I get my pump to say “Tina Fey?”

    Powdered milk might be the funniest. Taunting pump, eh?

  12. mommytoo

    as the ngp, i don’t get to hear the pump that much. but in the first few weeks of the babe’s life, i spent many middle-of-the-night hours falling asleep on the nursery floor while the swing said the craziest sh!t to me. i believe it was something about the swamp in new orleans? wow that sounds nuts.

  13. Hmm, now I’m wondering if I ever blogged about the talking pump. I’ll have to go back and search, and maybe copy/paste my comment back onto my own blog.

    Couple more things:

    First – looking for sympathy from all the pumpers out there:
    http://whozatshrike.blogspot.com/2009/02/crying-over-spoilt-milk.html

    Second – Hi-fucking-larious stand-up comedy bit about breastfeeding / pumping (including the talking pump):

  14. One correction – I realized that most of the bottles will actually be given by Shrike, so they certainly won’t be “babysitter bottles.”

    I’ve decided to call them “bye-bye-bottles” since they will only happen when Peeper and I are bye-bye from each other.

    Yeah, I’m still struggling with this step.

    Ok, I will now shut up and go write on my own damn blog.

  15. LOL! Just fyi I’m organizing a blog carnival celebrating Freedom to Marry week, and I wanted to invite you to join in and even promote it if you like the idea. It’s a meme following the phrase, something old, something new,etc. All the details are here: http://tinyurl.com/bzdzrt and it starts next week on Tuesday. What do you think?

  16. RaiulBaztepo

    Hello!
    Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
    PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language 😉
    See you!
    Your, Raiul Baztepo

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