It is inevitable. When I go on a trip somewhere I’ve already been I spend a lot of time thinking about the last time I was there. The last time we went to my honey’s mom’s house in South Carolina, my blog was three months young. It was July 4 weekend, 2007. I think. I’m pretty sure. I may be confusing two visits.
One memory I kept having was of stumbling upon eggdropblogger‘s blog, while sitting by the pool (because it is the only place we could “borrow” a neighbor’s wifi.) Since then, she’s developed quite a following. She’s also become an IRL friend. I’m really glad I found her.
I remember I was in the middle of a TWW. It was one that didn’t work, obviously. But each one, I realize now, was a step toward the one that did work. And each one made me both stronger and weaker — both more optimistic and more pessimistic. Each one brought me closer to my invisible friends on the internets.
This is a memory that was probably from an earlier trip. We called the sperm bank and they actually had four more vials of our cakiedonor. So much hope. But not enough foresite to actually go to a doctor and step up the odds. Now I know that it took five tries at the doctor. It never would have been with cakiedonorsperm. Which is ok. There is only one Trucker. He is 100% himself and 100% perfect with the genes he has, thank you very much. In hindsite it makes all sperm donor stress seem tiny. I don’t really know how much it matters who piddled in a jar in California. Perhaps when the boys grow up, if one of them finds his donor and the other does not or something like that, it will matter more. For now, I’m extremely happy with both generous men who helped us make our family.
I’m happy it didn’t work when it didn’t work. And I’m elated that it did when it did. It really was the only way to get my son. The one I was supposed to get: my Trucker.