I don’t like to eat it, but I’ve always been fascinated a little by jello molds with fruit (even vegetables!?) suspended in them. It always looks like the fruit was caught right in the middle of something and stuck there in time, except for the little wiggling it gets to do. Like Hiro from the TV show, Heros was around and he stopped time.
That’s why I feel like a banana in a jello mold. Being home with a baby means always being held mid-flight. You can’t expect yourself to finish or even start anything. If anything, those bananas must be zen. How can they be anything but in the present moment? I’m not saying this stuckness is a bad or good thing. It is just a state I’m in. So when I start to feel like it is a bad thing, I remind myself that I don’t have to be anywhere and I’m not working. I make myself look at the baby. Smile at him. Get him to laugh. Enjoy his fleeting babyness. He’s my sweet and sticky reason for being right now. I won’t ever get this much time with him again. (Unless we decide to hike the Appalaichain Trail together or something like that some day.)
Stillness can be hard for a person like me. I need to feel like each day has some kind of value. So if I didn’t get to work on my book, or finish the laundry I started, or organize something, I feel antsy. I really need to deeply understand the value that is holding my baby all day if he doesn’t want to be put down, or cuddling with him on a blanket on the floor. I need to embrace my inner banana and enjoy the view from the jello mold.