One Year Ago, Yesterday

I was at the end of my TTC rope.

I was ready to give up.

Maybe I would try one more time without drugs with a yet-unidentified fresh donor, but that was it.

I was ready to start begging my straight friends for just a little bit of their husbands’ baby juice.

I was so happy I already had Cakie.  Thinking about him being an only child.  We could send him to private school.  We could buy him fancy things.  I could get rid of all those clothes and baby things taking up space in the closet.  I was preparing myself to rationalize giving up.

One year ago yesterday, I had an insem with the doctor I didn’t much like.  I went alone.  My honey was skating on thin employment ice with the amount of time she’d taken off while we were TTC.

I was forced to take the whole day off from work.

I left the doctor’s office and bought some green tea from a coffee truck.

I walked through Central Park drinking my green tea, even though I was wearing new, rather uncomfortable shoes.  I walked to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I stared at Gala Eluard. I felt the cramps the whole time.  My ovaries had maybe even already released that egg.  My last-ever paid-for donor sperm was swimming swimming.  Some time during that walk through the museum or the park (at least I prefer to think it happened there, than on the subway) egg did finally meet sperm.  Finally.

Maybe only people like us celebrate the anniversary of conception.

I, for one, will never forget it.



Filed under IUI, NYC What is it about you?, the big guns, TTC

11 responses to “One Year Ago, Yesterday

  1. That is such a beautiful post. What a great memory. It’s true–people like us probably remember a great more about when and what it was like that day.
    Can’t wait to meet you on Wednesday!

  2. Co

    I know the date J. was conceived. It’s kind of a cool thing to know that exactly.

    I’m so glad you didn’t give up. Trucker is amazing.

  3. vee

    Amen to that! Happy anniversary!

  4. jay

    Happy anniversary from me too – another one who’s so glad you didn’t give up xx

  5. nelly

    people like us means women obsessed with ttc, right? 😉

    i’m so glad we got to share a car on that crazy roller coaster!!

  6. Arms up in the air and screaming all the way, eh?

  7. i expect to celebrate the conception date of little lj and frankly, knowing what day it happens makes us lucky.

  8. What a lovely memory. I appreciate how detailed each moment of that day is for you. Your conception story reminds me to live in the present moment. Also, equally important, that this process may not go according to any of our best-laid plans, but that it is still okay.

    May I ask (I’m sure it is somewhere in your archives) how many unsuccessful attempts you had before you conceived Trucker?

  9. Eleven tries. 1.5 years. 6 tries at home. 5 w/ a doctor. three of those were unmedicated (except for the trigger shot). The last two tries were with Menopur.

  10. poppycat

    I love hearing your memories of this. It gives me amazing perspective on where I am in my process and reminds me that I will be there someday as well.
    Happy anniversary!

  11. reproducinggenius

    I remember reading about that day a year ago. It sounded like the perfect day to get pregnant. I am so glad you didn’t give up and equally glad you wrote this. It’s beautiful.

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