Coming Out Storytime!

I woke up this morning to a full bed.  Cakie snuck in sometime in the morning and was sleeping across the foot of the bed.  Trucker was in the co-sleeper.  The cat was taking up half of my side.  My honey was on the other side. Despite the fact that I had to remain in the fetal position to not kick anyone, I was just so happy.  Trucker was smiling in his sleep.  Smile. Suck suck suck.  Smile. One day you wake up and there is your family.  These people, at least the little ones, would not exist without the love between me and my honey.  Without the love, it would be just me and my cat.  Probably still on my old broke-down futon.

I got up to feed the cat, who threatened to awaken the whole family, and I stopped to check my email.  There I discovered an email from a young reader.  She’s been reading my blog for about a year.  She’s in a place and a point in her life which makes it hard for her to come out of the closet.  But she still has to some degree.  She called me a role model.  Wow. I’m calling her a role model back.  So there.  Coming out has not been too too hard for me.  I have ex-hippie parents, a step sister who replied, “I know,” when I told her, and a brother who had a lesbian roommate for the past umpteen years.  Plus I live in Gaytown, USA, which always helps.  I did have one friend who dumped me after knowing I was gay for ten years.  Born again?  Born as Rosemary’s baby, I say.  It broke my heart and I can no longer say her name without sounding like Seinfeld talking about Newman.

Enough about me.  Let’s make a little present for my reader, who gave me such a great gift this morning.  Tell us your coming out stories.  I want to hear the good and the bad.  And if you are a gay parent, I’d love to hear about how your parents reacted when they became grandparents.  I’d also love to hear,  from those of you whose parents had a hard time with the news at first– you know, them trying to turn you not-gay, etc — how did they change over time?

Oooh!  I can’t wait to hear your stories.



Filed under family, LGBT

6 responses to “Coming Out Storytime!

  1. what a timely post!

    i wrote a bit of mine last year here.

    thanks for asking for the stories! you should tell more about yours! sounds like quite the journey from futon cat lady to mama 🙂

  2. Ah, I have the classic conservative parents flip out and we barely speak for several years coming out story. They attended Exodus International for support. The whole bit. I won’t bore everyone with details (really, it’s textbook). I’ll just say, it took 10 years, a lot of patience and love, but they now truly see my wife as their daughter-in-law and our daughter as their grand-daughter. They are terrific grandparents, and it is inspiring how far they’ve come. So to your young reader, even if your family is just as bad as you expect, they may come around eventually.

  3. reproducinggenius

    Oh, what fun! I think my family was convinced I was on the verge of coming out for years. I had dated boys and men exclusively until I was about 20, but even then, my family didn’t know I was, shall we say, flexible in my sexuality. When I met my partner, I was 22, and we quickly did the whole UHaul bit. It was then that I had to come out to people. My friends weren’t at all surprised; they were just annoyed that I had suddenly disappeared into a love bubble. My younger siblings were completely unsurprised and sweet. Telling my mom was the more nerve-racking moment. She came to visit, and J was out of town. Minutes after arriving, she wanted a tour of our two-bedroom apartment. Needless to say, after showing her the office, it was pretty clear that we shared the bedroom. When she walked in, I said, “You know, this is me AND J’s bedroom, don’t you?” Her reply was, “I figured.” And that was that. It was ultimately easy. It took very little time for my family to accept J as one of their own. They have proudly called themselves her outlaws for ten years and have told me time and again how happy they are that I’ve found her. Since then, even distant family members whom I thought were rather conservative have been so welcoming because they know I’m happy, and at some point, that seems to be what matters.

    I hope this helps your reader. It is a wonderful thing to be out, to no longer have to hide who you are.

  4. amy

    my story is boring and uneventful. my parents were wonderful about my coming out and always said my happiness was all that mattered. my dad did ask the silly how did i know question which is always funny and he probably heard more than he wanted when i said i tried with plenty of guys before hanging up the towel. needless to say, almost 10 years later they absolutely adore my wife, more so than me most of the time and i couldn’t imagine them happier with another human for me. they knew we were ttc so becoming grandparents was all part of the plan and they and my in laws were made grandparents for the first time with our first born so they were absolutely ecstatic really. see, totally boring!

  5. I came out to my parents when I was twenty-one, although I had been dating women since I was fifteen. I decided to wait until I was out of college before telling them, because a former girlfriend of mine was disowned by her family after coming out to them. That was a pretty bad scene. So, you see, I was a bit jaded from that experience.

    I was also hesitant to tell them for the simple reason that my brother is gay.

    Well, if I remember correctly, I wrote them a letter, gave it a kiss, and adios, off it went through the USPS. In retrospect, I would have handled that differently and told them in person, even though I was living a few thousand miles away at the time. My father called me immediately after receiving the letter and told me that he loved me all the same. My mother, however, was a bit distraught. My father mentioned to me that my mother needed time to process the news and that she’d contact me when she was ready to talk.

    She called a few days later. My mother had already contacted her local PFLAG organization and they referenced a few books for her to review. I think she bought one of them. My mother’s reaction was one of sadness and feeling that she did something wrong in her parenting with both of her kids being queer. She mentioned the no grandchildren issue, too (she sure is going to be in for a shock if we succeed in getting knocked up).

    Today, both of my parents absolutely adore my girlfriend of the past eight years. I was visiting them recently sans GF and they were really disappointed that they didn’t see her. My parents also buy her very thoughtful gifts for absolutely no reason whatsoever and ask about her well-being during our telephone conversations.

    Overall, I overanalyzed the whole process of coming out to my folks and made myself more anxious than necessary. It’s easier to say that now, but I really think I projected my insecurities onto them in terms of how they would react. It wasn’t such a big deal after it was over and done with and I caused myself a lot of unnecessary stress.

    My story is rather boring, but I have personal experience with many other stories that would raise a few eyebrows. As a result, I feel very fortunate to have a supportive family.

  6. leaving a little IOU here for my coming out story… i’m up way too late to decide what part to share, and i need to be alert & well-rested to care for the newborns in the nursery clinical…

    i loved the imagery of waking up to your family. i have dreams of a morning like that, except it will be a dog (or two) in the bed… thanks for putting your story out there ~ for all of us ~ it helps keep my hope alive that my life and my heart and my family will all end up together one of these days…

    and to your young reader, hang in there… stick around and enjoy the support here, even if it isnt IRL… you have Family in us.


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