I haven’t seen you in over a year. No offense, dear, but I have truly enjoyed our time apart. Don’t get me wrong. Without you, my family would not be whole. My entire life of your visits has made it possible for my newest family member to enjoy a nice cushy nine months in my womb. Thanks. Thanks so much. That said, I think your work here is done. Good job. Now don’t come back.
I’m sorry. That was so rude and no way to talk to a relative. What I mean to say is, I’ve been getting the feeling that you are packing your bags and heading to my apartment again. This girl knows fertile cervical mucus when she sees it. And these are no implantation cramps. It really is a bad time, dear. The apartment is a mess and with the two boys, nobody’s getting much sleep around here. Plus I’m breastfeeding and I know that makes you skittish. I don’t think you’d be very comfortable, honestly. Here. I’ve dug deep and bought you a ticket to Tahiti. A one-way ticket. Enjoy yourself. Be comfortable. Take your sweet time.
Don’t wish you were here,