Dear Aunt Flo,

I haven’t seen you in over a year.  No offense, dear, but I have truly enjoyed our time apart.  Don’t get me wrong.  Without you, my family would not be whole.  My entire life of your visits has made it possible for my newest family member to enjoy a nice cushy nine months in my womb. Thanks.  Thanks so much. That said, I think your work here is done.  Good job.  Now don’t come back.

I’m sorry.  That was so rude and no way to talk to a relative.  What I mean to say is, I’ve been getting the feeling that you are packing your bags and heading to my apartment again.  This girl knows fertile cervical mucus when she sees it.  And these are no implantation cramps.  It really is a bad time, dear.  The apartment is a mess and with the two boys, nobody’s getting much sleep around here.  Plus I’m breastfeeding and I know that makes you skittish.  I don’t think you’d be very comfortable, honestly.  Here.  I’ve dug deep and bought you a ticket to Tahiti.  A one-way ticket.  Enjoy yourself.  Be comfortable.  Take your sweet time.

Don’t wish you were here,




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7 responses to “Dear Aunt Flo,

  1. She just came to visit me today for the first time in eleven months. Fun times. My baby is only eight weeks old, though, and I’m breastfeeding like a fiend, so I thought I’d get a little more of a reprieve. Argh.

  2. LOL. Now is that any way to speak to a supportive loyal relative?

  3. PS I realize, for those of you still TTC, that this is a very low-stakes visit from the dreaded AF. I was thinking about my relationship with her. I’ve decided that though she no longer taunts me w/ pregnancy-like symptoms, nor comes when I’m finally sure she won’t before I can even pee on a stick, I still dislike her. She’s just not invited.

  4. erin

    My good friend Katie got her first post-baby period with BOTH of her boys on the anniversary of her inseminations. Kinda cool. I’m taking domperidone so I can breastfeed and it’s reputed to delay the return of your period even longer 🙂

  5. nelly

    NINETEEN MONTHS, and counting! i love being period-free…..don’t be fooled by EWCM. i’ve been getting this fake out for at least 3 months, along with crazy chocolate binging and acne. but i’ll gladly take all that with out the actual “flo”, if you know what i mean.

  6. PS Though I love her. I hate Nelly. And you should see her fabulous haircut. Grumble grumble.

    But wait! Did you say you had the EWCM and no period??? Did you have cramps, too? I promise to stop hatin’ if you tell me AF is just faking me out again. XOXO

  7. Goldengrrrl

    Can I crawl in bed with you?

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