On Having Your Last Child

Unless we win the lottery, Trucker is our last baby.  At least according to my honey.

It is weird to look at your last baby and know it is your last baby.  As soon as his first tooth comes in, we will have seen his last toothless grin — barring any unforseen mouth trauma or ice hockey careers.

I’m still getting over my only birth being my last one.  Even though it was near perfect, there are so many things I’d like to do differently.  I want to have a home birth.  I want to have a third adult with me from the get-go.  Things like that.

Back to my last baby.  I thought I’d tried to savor every baby moment when Cakie was a wee one.  This is a little crazy.  When Trucker turned one month old, I thought, “I’ll never have a newborn less-than-one-month-old lump again!”

Now that we finally set up Trucker’s crib in Cakie’s room, I think, “I’ll never have a newborn in the co-sleeper again.”  Which is totally not true, since Truck starts the night in Cakie’s room and spends the rest of the night in the co-sleeper.  But still.

When he grows out of an article of clothing, I can only think… well, you know.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m happy to get these huge bins of clothes out of my closets.  And I’m happy that my boy is growing like a weed.

I’m just trying to be in the moment.  I need to try to not be nostalgic for the moments that just happened, lest I miss the one that’s happening now.  Like, I’m writing my blog with a sleeping nine-week-old strapped to my belly.  My back hurts a bit from his fifteen pound heft. His head is on my shoulder and he’s making those little sleep sucking motions with his lips and kind of frowning in-between.  His belly is warm on my belly. His hair is sticking up a little in the back.  We can feel each other breathe.

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6 Comments

Filed under family, Labor & Birth, my second son

6 responses to “On Having Your Last Child

  1. jay

    that last bit made me go “ahh” and I feel a bit tearful now. ::GRIN::

  2. sn

    if your back hurts only a bit, you are totally fierce. sleep sucky motions, and sleep smiles, are totally amazing things.

  3. Kim

    I so know how you feel. I am very early-on pregnant with what will definitely be my last child. I am already anticipating the feelings that you just so eloquently described. Although I have to admit, the vomitous feeling is one that I am enjoying thinking, “this will be the last time I have to experience morning sickness…” But once this phase passes, I will be right there with you. If you figure out a magic way to handle it all, please do share. 🙂

  4. Well, I know I won’t be sad when I do my last diaper change!

  5. nelly

    *sigh*
    i’m so there with you.
    being in the moment sure is hard, though.

  6. amy

    definitely sad for us too. i had my one and only pregnancy and melanie is now having her one and only. she’s 19 weeks pregnant and i already get sad anticipating this wee one being our last. but we also want to maintain some semblance of the life we have now and more kids will make that impossible so there is some give and take but it doesn’t make being in the moment with a new born any more difficult when you know it’s your last…

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