Birth Story (Revised)

Let me preface this by saying that it is my true wish that any woman who has to TTC for more than a year gets to one day write a story like this one.

Around nine in the morning on my due date, I decide to turkey meatloaf to freeze for post-baby time. I get the meat out of the fridge and see that it has spoiled. I’m wearing a big purple maternity shirt that makes me look like a concord grape and black shorts. My mom calls. I let her talk to the baby on my belly by putting the phone up to where his head is. I have no idea what she’s saying to him. I imagine his head way down in my pelvis and decide to do a yoga squat while chatting with my mom. It is 9:35.

My water breaks. Not a huge gush, a little one. So I rush to the toilet and let it gush. My mom is totally excited. I hang up with her and call my honey. She tells me to call the midwife. I put on a maxipad to get the “When to Call” sheet from my suitcase. The pad immediately soaks through. I remember ohchicken’s advice about the cloth diaper in your panties post-partum and stick one in there. It holds. I get the sheet and read it three times. My honey calls again. “Did you call?” “No, I’m reading the When to Call sheet. It says to call.” “Then call!” “Listen, I’m leaking amniotic fluid all over the house. Give a girl a break.” So I call the midwife. She says to call her back when I have a contraction. I must have posted to my blog at that point. I think I maybe put the Ipod with my five hours of music in the suitcase.

My friend nethermede calls because she read my post. We’re chatting, when I feel my first contraction. It feels like a menstrual cramp combined with a drum roll in my belly. It has a definite end. I start to get even more excited. My honey comes home from work just after I had my second contraction at 10:30. I call the midwife and tell her that I had the contraction. She says to call back when they have a pattern. I bounce on the birthing ball, while my honey gathers the suitcase and the car seat and the little bag of food and pillows. When I get off the birthing ball, amniotic fluid gushes all over the place. I don’t bounce on the birthing ball again. We don’t exactly slow dance in the living room. But we do stand and hold each other for a moment during a contraction when I was trying to walk to the bathroom to get a new towel or something to put in my panties. They start getting stronger and closer together REALLY FAST. I don’t get to jump in the bathtub and have a glass of wine. By 11:30 (that’s one hour later, folks… they are 6 or 7 minutes apart. It hurts, but I can handle it. I actually can. It doesn’t hurt for me the way people describe a stabbing or guts in a blender feeling. It feels like menstrual cramps that resonate through my body like a musical instrument of pain. I figure out that if I make a really low and loud moan, I can drown out most of the pain music.

By noon they go from being 6 to 3 to 2 minutes apart. She calls the midwife. She asks how far apart they are. A tells her. She says, “Is that her moaning in the background? You need to be on your way. How far are you from the hospital? You need to get here.” We forget everyone on our list of driving friends and call one of A’s co-workers who had offered a ride in a text message that morning. (The poor dear.) I ask A to call Nelly, my birthing superhero and luckily, a professional photographer. A exquisitely times me getting downstairs between contractions. I leak amniotic fluid all over the halls of my apartment building (don’t worry, we got out the mop when we got back home!) I also had a contraction in the lobby in front of this older lady from the fourth floor who dresses a lot like a lesbian. She looked like she wanted to help, but didn’t know what to do so she got on the elevator.

We finally get outside as the co-worker pulls up and Nelly, miraculously, pulls up in a car service right behind her. I’m on all fours in the back seat over a towel. My honey is behind me putting pressure on my back. Nelly is in the front seat turned all the way around telling me to breathe. We DO NOT have an uneventful ride to the hospital! Traffic. Stress. I don’t notice birds over the river between contractions. I don’t notice the colors of the lights on the Empire State building. I notice only the blue towel under me… and how slow the car seems to be going and I try not to notice where we are because I don’t want to calculate in my head how much longer it will take to get there. All I really notice is how much stronger the contractions are getting. My super low moans and actually-helpful ohms falter into curses and “Why the Fuck IS THIS CONTRACTION LAASSTING SOOOO LOOONG?” To overhearing my circle of women discussing finding a police escort. To feeling like I have to poop. Which feels to me like maybe I have to push. I say, “I think he’s coming out! I think he’s coming out!” They’re like, nooooo, he’s not coming out.” But they can’t feel what I feel in my pelvis. We’re about five blocks from the hospital when the pushing happens. (Yes, I pushed twice in the car.)

We finally FINALLY pull up to the curb where my midwife is standing in scrubs with a wheelchair. I am grateful I had no contractions during this part because it was HILARIOUS. My midwife wheels me, running, to the elevators and yells as a door opens, “Unless you people want to witness a birth on the elevator, GET OUT!” They get out. The elevator proceeds to stop on what seems like every floor. Is it Friday (yes?) Is this a shabbos elevator? No. We finally get to where a clean room awaits us. I say to the midwife, “What do I do now?” She says, “What ever you want! Have the baby! Push!” So I push. Guess what she says? “There’s his head.” I push a few more times. His head goes in and out and in again. I decide I want gravity on my side and ask for the birthing stool. My midwife looks at the nurse and says, “Don’t bother.” So I just kneel resting my arms and top of my body on my honey. I push really really hard. I feel the ring of fire. They should call it this ring of sting. And I feel him coming out. I feel myself tearing a little, but I don’t give a shit. I push. Hard. And they shout, “He’s here! He’s here!” And there he was.

He’s fine, we’re fine, we all fall asleep in the bed together. Nelly offers to run out and pick up some stuff. I ask her to get me that roast beef sandwich.

Let me run that down for you again:*

9:35 — water breaks

10:17 — first contraction

noon-12:45 — all hell breaks loose. Contractions go from 7 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart.

1:20 –we get on the road.

2:05 — we arrive in the birthing center.

2:29 — Trucker is born

* results not typical!

I’m not going to post his name (sorry). But it means “merciful,” and I think we really picked the right one because he came out right when I begged him to.

Here’s the kicker: Quite some time after the chunky little guy with two-inch-long black hair was born, they put him on the scale. My midwife actually yelled “Holy Shit!” The boy weighs 9lbs, 3 oz!

So, I guess I’m grateful she swept those membranes.

I’ll try to post a picture soon. Right now I need to go make my b00bs hurt some more. Thanks for your patience. We’re totally pooped over here at oneofhismoms’s house. XOXO



Filed under Labor & Birth

35 responses to “Birth Story (Revised)

  1. plump

    Such wonderful news. Congratulations and rest well with your beautiful boy.

  2. starrhillgirl

    Oh, this is good news to hear!

    I spent yesterday with my friend while she pushed out her 2nd baby. She had a remarkably similar experience – contractions around 9, trip to the country doc’s office around 10:30, in to town to the hospital around noon, baby at 12:53. She also had made a birthing mix on her ipod, but didn’t get to listen to it.

    Welcome to the world, tiny boy. Be nice to your mama’s boobs.

  3. tbean


    You are a rock star!! Remember when you posted about your friend and her amazing rock-star birth? You, my dear, have just joined that club. How wonderful!

    Can’t wait for the pics. And to hear about Cakie’s reaction to his new brother.

  4. Congratulations! I’ve been thinking about you all weekend, waiting for the “he’s here!” post.

    So glad to hear that all went well and you’re back home, safe and sound.

    Looking forward to that photo!

  5. What a great story! Congratulations!!

  6. nelly

    i’ll never view the west side highway with the same eyes ever again!

    you and A were both amazing, and like i said that day, you should have babies all the time, because you’re really good at it.

    i know it’s such a crazy story, but it’s kind of perfect, too. just get in there and push that baby out. badda bing, badda boom – brooklyn style, holla!

    lots of love to you guys from all of us, we’ve been talking about your new guy non-stop around here!

  7. Congrats! What a great story. Get some rest and I hope your boobs don’t hurt too, too much. xo

  8. that is just insane–you are the story we shouldn’t be listening to right now because like, .2% of women ever give birth like that! CONGRATS!

  9. Heather

    Congratulations – and what a WONDERFUL!!!!! birth story.

    I am so happy he is here safe and healthy 🙂

  10. Welcome Trucker!

    And you are indeed a rockstar. Am hoping that I have a similarly easy experience!

    Congratulations to all four of you, and hope that sore boobs aren’t preventing you all from enjoying this time with each other! 🙂

  11. bri

    Oh. My. God. That is a phenomenal story. Craaaaaazy. I am just shocked. Wow. Congrats.

  12. ooooh welcome hefty little trucker!!!
    what a kickass birth story…

    cant wait to see pictures!
    much love to your family of four…

  13. wow, that is quite the amazing story. I have a huge grin for you. Congratulations!

  14. congratulations! so pleased he arrived safely and quickly and you got the birth you requested!

    just wonderful, enjoy every lovely minute and welcome trucker! may you have a long and healthy life full of laughter, music and most importantly, love.

  15. what a wonderful entrance! SO SO proud of you guys. You made a baby!!
    congrats infinity.

  16. rosany

    1000 Congratulations!!!

    Rosany and Pam.

  17. That’s an awesome rockstar birth story! So happy for you and the Trucker!
    BTW–you totally did NOT miss a great Beth Orton concert. It was only OK.
    Get some rest and may your boobs not hurt to much.

  18. flippero

    I’m so glad you had such a great birth experience. And that lil’ Trucker is here. Mazel tov to you and A. and Cakie!

  19. That is such a beautiful birthing story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Yeah, as the other poster stated, that was totally a bklyn-style birth. You had me teary-eyed and laughing at the same time…

    Congratulations on the new addition to your family.

  20. R

    YEAH!! What a great story!! Congrats and can’t wait to see him!!

  21. jay

    MANY congratulations!! Our international twin is here!!!! So, so happy for you all. xxxx

  22. reproducinggenius

    I love this birth story. It just seems perfect in all its quickness and occasional stressfulness.

    I’m so very happy for you and your family. Congratulations to you, and welcome to your big, big boy!

  23. so happy he is here, swift and safely!

  24. sn

    you are so amazing!

    i am very glad you did not deliver Trucker in the back seat of a car.

    congratulations to all of you.

  25. Yay!! Congratulations to you and yours. What a ride!

  26. Lo

    Congrats!!!! Amazing story!!!

  27. L.

    Congratulations. Wonderful story.

  28. I am not a bit surprised that you had such a birth. I just don’t know how any of us will be able to top it! So so so happy for you and your darling family. Congratulations! All the love in the world to you.

  29. holy cow what a great fast story. I laughed out loud… Glad it went so well.

  30. Congratulations! That is an amazing and very fast birth story. I hope you are all adjusting well to being home.

  31. amy

    wow, wow, wow!!! just back from vacation and what an amazing story!! congrats to you all, can’t wait to see his picture!

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  33. Pingback: Tide and Turning Around the Carseat « oneofhismoms

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