Thanks for checking my blog so much. I feel like I should be more entertaining than usual or something.
Since I have a captive audience, I thought I’d ramble a little about one of my favorite topics… being a non-bio mom. My honey put me on honey-prescribed bedrest today. Mostly because my toes turned into sausages last night. I’ve been lucky to not have had too much swelling so far in my pregnancy, so it kind of freaked us both out. The one thing on my to-do list for today is to sit on my bum with my feet up and put my out-dated cd collection onto my so-far-really-lame ipod. (Any suggestions from the itunes store would be much appreciated.)
This brings me to Kate Bush. Do you know the song, “Woman’s Work?” It is written from the perspective of a father when the mother is going into labor. And he’s just worried about her and wishing she’d never gotten pregnant and thinking something terrible is going to happen to his wife and wishing he’d been and done more for her. They played it in the Kevin Bacon movie, “She’s Having a Baby” when his wife went into the room to have her c-section and he was left in the hall in his scrubs while they prepped her. I can’t hear the song without crying. I never could. Before I realized I was gay. Before I was left in the hall in scrubs while my wife was brought into the operating room for her emergency c-section.
It is weird to be the one becoming a bio-mom now, in a way. Being the co-mom to Cakie has been quite a trip. 98% of the time, you just feel like 100% the mom. And then there are the times when you’re standing in the hallway in scrubs, alone. Nothing you can do can make you part of the action in those rare cases. Now I have the baby inside me. Guess what? I still feel a little like I’m standing on the outside. This person is inside my body. Milk has leaked from my own breas.ts. Yet the fact remains that the baby is a separate person from me. I’m just housing him for a while. Maybe that 2% disconnect is not a co-mom thing at all. Maybe it is just a mom thing.