Poetry Contest

Help me out, people.

As you know, my need to spend time in the bathroom has increased exponentially in the last few weeks. I don’t think that that should also include the necessity to read bad “poetry.” In several of the teachers’ bathrooms I frequent at school during the day, I am forced to read the following:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle,

Please be neat and wipe the seat.

If you are in a rush,

Please don’t forget to flush.

With a SMILE. 🙂

Ugh. It makes me want to pee all over the stall, frankly.

The “With a SMILE 🙂 ” part particularly makes my skin crawl.

So I thought I’d do a little poetry exchange/vandalism.

I need you people to write something better. I appreciate the sentiment, which is partly why I have yet to tear the annoying things down. But I fear that they will be replaced with the same, if not more grating verse. So help me out.

Write a new poem. It should be something a pregnant gal wouldn’t mind reading and re-reading some six times a day. Try to include the same message in a less condescending, nails-screeeching-on-a-blackboard manner. Try to write something to which the other teachers will say as they relieve themselves, “Oh thank god I have a moment of peace the isn’t interrupted by rhyming couplets, ALL CAPS and smiley faces.”

The winner will be published anonymously in several teachers’ bathrooms in a public school in Brooklyn. The winning poet will also have for a prize my eternal gratitude. Umm, and I’ll throw in some fresh-baked virtual brownies.

Write. Write like the wind.

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1 Comment

Filed under teaching, Third Trimester!?!

One response to “Poetry Contest

  1. Lo

    Well, it’s not original, but I’m partial to “If it’s yellow let it mellow, If it’s brown flush it down.”

    I cannot believe you have to look at that in a TEACHER’s bathroom.

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