Hmmm. Where should I start?
10. I’m going to completely forget everything newborn. Heck. I already do.
9. I’m going to give birth quickly– while crossing the Brooklyn Bridge — trying to get to the hospital.
8. I’m going to get thrown in jail for assaulting any medical personnel who approach me with any kind of scalpel-esque cutting device while I’m in labor. Jail — it’s no place for the breastfeeding new mother.
7. I’m going to get kicked out of my lovely home because we can’t pay the mortgage because we chose to use a midwife, instead of my in-plan OB, and then the insurance company decided not to pay for the midwife because I had to have a c-section…plus my poor honey had to bail me out of jail for assaulting the medical presonnel who tried to initiate the c-section.
6. Who is this donor anyway? I know more about my mailman.
5. I don’t know when to tell my toddler about his up-coming little brother. I’m afraid I’ll somehow tell him at the wrong time, messing up their sybling relationship indefinately.
4. I’m afraid I’ll try to potty train Cakie in a fit of fear of two kids in diapers. This will mess up his potty training indefinately. It will lead to weird therapy issues later.
3. I have to push another person’s entire body through my vagin@? I have to what???
2. I’m afraid of stretch marks and sits baths. And tears. And incontinence. And all the other stuff people never say out loud about giving birth.
And the number one illogical-ish fear of this first-time pregnant, second-time mom?
1. I’m afraid there’s no way the baby in my womb could possibly be as cute and smart as Cakie. He’s just doomed. Poor little fetus. Every time I look at Cake I think, well… maybe the second one will be exceptionally clever? Good with electronics? Funny? God help him. He has a tough act to follow.