Vote (again)

What is your favorite gay book about parenting or trying to get pregnant? Why?

What is your favorite book period about parenting or trying to get pregnant? Why?

Which ones do you hate? Why?

What’s your favorite gay book about anything?

What’s your favorite book?

Oh, and if you’re in a state that is holding elections, please go out and vote today for real. This is sad, but I still don’t know which way I’m going to go. I am very confused. But by the time you read this, I guess I will have made up my mind. I have a headache.

Enough. I’m looking forward to hearing about your taste in books.

[This just in: Feeling lame for being not-informed enough to choose a candidate yet, I started surfing around for information.  I can’t believe we call ourselves a first-world country.  People who have the right to vote are actually making their decisions based on a person’s middle name?  Are we that shallow?]



Filed under My Book

10 responses to “Vote (again)

  1. Well, I guess if we use “Hussein” for our baby’s middle name, he’s going to have a hard time getting elected. I’m so glad that guy cleared that up for us!

  2. dlvc

    favorite gay book on parenting/families: “Reinventing the Family” by Laura Benkov. It’s dated (mid-90s) but she doesn’t gloss over the sticky points.

    Favorite book on parenting: “Kidding Ourselves: Breadwinning, Babies and Bargaining Power” by Rhona Mahoney. It’s only sort of about parenting, more about how bargaining enters into marital negotiations re: division of labor and power dynamics surrounding kids.

    I HATE Rachel Pepper’s “Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians.” She is completely dismissive of the complicated issues for non-bio-moms. She refers to non-bio-moms as “partners,” never as “mothers” (i.e. not in relation to our own children, only in relationship to the bio-mom). In the 2005 edition, she does allow for “Dyke Daddies” and “Tranny Pops”–but these don’t apply to many of us. I first thought this might have been a language oversight (after all, as you know, language is tricky) but then I read her essay in “Homefronts: Controversies in Nontraditional Parenting” where she makes it very clear that she believes there is only one “real” mother. This is who is writing our most widely read guidebook (?!!).

  3. sn

    we used the brill maia midwifery book. most helpful for the learning about how to track fertility signs. it annoyed me in other ways (but to be honest, i looked at it so little that i can’t even remember specifically). also very anti-known donor, which was not so helpful.

    the thing i would’ve loved at the time, and we really never found it, was resources to help a potential known donor understand the emotional repercussions and experiences of other known donors. we would’ve liked to give that to our KD as he was going through his decision making process.

    as for parenting books…well, as you’ve said, the actual parenting feels very very far away when you’re in your first pregnancy!

  4. Lo

    I second the response to Rachel Pepper’s book. Though some of the info was factually useful, her tone drove me crazy. Okay, lady, you got knocked up as a single lesbian with a KD. Congratulations. But dont’ you DARE name your book “The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians” and then write as though that’s everybody’s experience.

    I also second sn’s comment about resources for potential KDs. We didn’t go with one, but there are plenty of KDs out there and they deserve resources. Of course I guess that means they need to create them.

    My favorite books ever are The Mill on the Floss and Cheaper by the Dozen and A Little Princess.

  5. dlvc

    Actually–according to the essay in the Home Fronts essay I mentioned above, Pepper was partnered when she got pregnant, though she was soon a single parent. Her girlfriend did not end up parenting with her (for reasons that sound complicated so I won’t summarize–read the essay). I have to think her personal situation has something to do with how little understanding she demonstrates of navigating the whole process successfully as a couple.

  6. mer

    my favorite gay parenting book still is dan savage’s ‘the kid.’ i’m not a fan of everything he’s said, but i love this adoption story. it was where i learned about open adoptions which is what i’d want to do if i adopted.

    in terms of the more how-to parenting books, i really liked the essential guide to lesbian conception, but i didn’t read any others. i’m not too into any of the pregnancy books (but maybe that’s cuz i’m not prego) and haven’t gotten to the parenting books (yet!). already not a fan of sears though (talk about traditional family values), but maybe that will change.

  7. I see what you’re saying about sears, but his online “medicine cabinet” has come in handy many, many times! Basically, you can go on there to see what dose of tylenol to give your child according to weight w/o having to call your ped. at three am. I think you have to pick and choose with him.

  8. mer

    yes, i can definitely see that. with a kid i might come to appreciate the sears books more. i’m mostly reacting to a mom friend who seems to have gone over the deep end with the attachment stuff, and i cringed when reading the section in their pregnancy book about how to deal with distant dads. it just seems like traditional gender roles reinforced. but i’m sure there’s a lot worthwhile too in those books. an online medicine cabinet sounds great!

  9. Lo

    Oh, I forgot to mention, in terms of parenting books: all we’ve been using is Sears, actually (The Baby Book). I agree, Mer, that he is distasteful, and the role he relegates dads to — I shudder what he would think of me — is awful and I spend a lot of time mocking the book. But it is very, very useful as a reference manual and I *do* like how chill he is about childhood stuff.

    C has benefited greatly from The Nursing Mother’s Companion, which we’ll have to be returning to you soon. 😀

  10. ooh, books..we used the lesbian guide to pregnancy and blah blah blah, like everyone else. it was TOO touch-feely most of the time, but we liked the information.

    skipping the parenting book question for now..

    and as for regular-old books? i love weird ones. geek love. the bell jar. six of one. one i was enraptured with in my recent memory is forever by pete hamill–it’s an amazing book to read, especially if you’re a new yorker! i think they’re making a fox series out of it, unfortunately. i saw an ad during the superbowl-yuck!

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