What do you think of bonus mom? (Submitted by a suddenly-comment-shy fellow blogger.)
I like it, but I also like co-mom.
Any more thoughts?
Filed under My Book
hmmm, I don’t know. It’s positive, as so many of the other names aren’t. But it also seems a little axilliary. Is that the right word? Not integral. Appreciated but not needed.
Co-mom is good, but I have to say that I like to use the word co-mom for both moms. I think that once you move past the point where biology is in your face all the time (when the kids get older, or for adoptive families, and when legal rights aren’t tied up in biology) co-mom is the perfect term for a parent in a 2 mom family.
It’s like you start (when one of you is birthing a child that isn’t the bio child of your partner) as bio-mom and non-bio-mom, or carrying-mom and supporting-mom, or whatever we decide to call them, and the point is to get to co-momship as soon as possible, where any hierarchy of importance invested in biological/birthing parenthood is dissolved.
Hmmm… I don’t know. I never even thought about any of this yet. Great things to think about and begin planning though!
Bonus mom is cute.
We call my wife the Uterine Understudy. Or the Back-up Uterus…but that’s just because we are in the TTC process and have no babies yet.
Bonus to me says extra, you know…nice but not needed. I don’t know you personally, but you sound pretty needed to me!
I second the discomfort with “bonus” implying unnecessary. But I have similar discomfort with “supporting.” Lord knows that with all the surprise psychic land mines out there for non-bio-moms, we need plenty of “support” too, albeit a different variety. Like Chicory, I feel co-mom should apply to both moms as opposed to only “non-bio.” I’m not really leaving you a good way out of this one am I?
For shorthand in conversation, my wife and I sometimes say “NGP” for “Non-gestational-parent,” particularly if we’re talking about things that line up with dad issues. My dad coined that one, but it is still language of negation, and not lesbian specific.
It is usually only in blog comments or in the queer parenting world that I feel compelled to specify “non-bio-mom.” If questions come up reasonably in day to day parenting interactions, I prefer to say that “my wife gave birth,” which restricts our distinction to how our daughter arrived, as opposed to implying a broad difference in our parenting for all time–but that still doesn’t give you a word. If you stick with non-bio, at least everyone will no what you are talking about…
Whatever you do, don’t follow Rachel Pepper’s example and refer to us only as “partner” (i.e. not in relation to the child)–but you wouldn’t do that.
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