Monthly Archives: December 2007

Calves: They Aren’t Just Baby Cows Any More

So I got this terrible Charlie Horse in my calf about five nights ago.  Apparently this is a pregnancy thing.  It is still sore.  It is as though I injured myself training for the sleep Olympics or something.  I told my friend Nelly when I went to squish her new baby P, and she said she had terrible calf muscle issues with her first baby.  When she started having them with Baby P, her new midwife told her to take calcium magnesium just before bed.  She no longer had any problems with it.  Cool.  So in addition to unloading a whole bag of groovy summer maternity clothes on me, she gave me the rest of her calmag pills!  I thought I’d pay it forward by letting all you pregnant and soon-to-be pregnant women know about the calf relief.  Wahoo.  Thanks, Nelly.

I also got to squish Baby Jo of the Familyo yesterday.  He’s way cute.  I decided he looks like a movie star, but I couldn’t put my finger on which one.  Now I think he looks like a cross between a young Christopher Reeve and Ewen McGregor without the mole.  Both Co and Lo seem to be settling well into new mom life.

Yesterday was a good day.  (Until I got ill from eating very very wrong food, but that’s a different story.  I choose to focus on the positive.)



Filed under Second Trimester

It Has A Nose! (Or… the post with too many exclamation points!)

Yesterday I got to bond with Little Big No-name Fetus. Yeah, she’s a fetus now! I’m going to use feminine pronouns for her, and this is why: I had a strong feeling it was a boy, I had a dream it was a boy, but when I saw its face… it was so pretty. So even if she’s a boy, she’s a very pretty one.

Anyway, I went for my nuchal translucency screen yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, it is a screen to measure the risk of downs syndrome or trisomy 18. Mind you, I am pro-choice. I choose to keep this baby unless it has something that will kill it before it hits elementary school. I wasn’t really worried about that, I just wanted to have an ultrasound so I could see the little dickens and this seemed like a good excuse. As the test got closer, though I started to worry about my fetus’s largeness. What if the thing that is making it large is fluid behind its neck? In the waiting room with the other three women doing the screen we all bonded over how unexpectedly worried we were.

When we finally got into the ultrasound room, the technician asked if it was my first ultrasound. I laughed and said, this is the first one where I get to keep my pants on!

I have no words for that fetus. She was just so…formed. She had a nose! Ears! Legs and arms! Her jaw kind of looked like a beak until I got used to looking at her. She was pretty calm, but she was facing down, so the tech kept making me cough to try to encourage her to turn over. She did cool tricks! She waved at us and sucked her thumb. She did a slow and steady Tai Chi move with her right arm. She did a scary looking kick that made me a little nervous about the third trimester. She was a superstar. Oh, and she has my chin. My honey thought that was silly, I’m pretty sure. But I am used to reading things written by six-year-olds. (For example, I W Ta Da Be means I went to the beach.) I think this skill carries over to deciphering ultrasounds. When we saw Cakie’s ultrasound, I insisted that he was incredibly cute. My honey did not believe me. But ask anyone who has met the Cake Man. Pretty. Darn. Cute. I digress. This fetus has my chin. Mark my words. I’m hoping it doesn’t get my family schnoz, however.

When the baby finally decided to cooperate, the tech took her measurements and said, “The measurements are within the normal range.” The weirdest thing happened. I let out this sigh, I did not know I was harboring. I think this kid is big. Doc Mug said my due date was July 13. The OB said July 8. This new ultrasound said July 6! So she’s big for her age. The hospital considers me to be twelve weeks and five days pregnant today. Even though I know that today is exactly ten weeks from the date I ovulated with the sperm in there, I think I’m going to make the mental switch to the new due date. After all, the sooner she comes, the more time I’ll have with her during the summer. I just hope I don’t get unneccesarily induced because of the due date. I think I’ll argue with them if it comes down to that.

I go back to my OB on Monday, hopefully for the last time. On Wednesday we will go to the orientation for my new midwife. I have to call my insurance company to see if they will pay for her. Apparently, I need to have catastrophic insurance and to tell them that the birth is my catastrophe. Nice, huh?

On February 15 I get to find out if I’m using the correct pronoun.

PS I don’t have a scanner, or I’d show you the little darling.


Filed under Second Trimester

Weird Baby Dream, Part II

I had a dream that I gave birth to a son.

He was taller than Cakie, who is two.

He had blond hair and looked like Dennis the Menace.

We named him Stewart.

The weirdest part of the dream was not that my bi-racial son had blond, straight hair, or that he was taller than my tall two-year-old at birth.

The weirdest part is that we named him “Stewart.” That’s just not going to happen. (No offense to any Stewarts out there. It is just not a name on any list we currently have.)


Filed under First Trimester

How Do I Look?

Some lady who I don’t know well, looked at me in the elevator of our building while I was wearing my down full-length coat and said “Sooooo…. how far along are you?”  I was a little taken aback.  I mean.  I have been wearing maternity pants since week 8, but I did not think I actually look pregnant.  But my coat, when there is stuff in the pockets, kinda does make me look pregnant.  I said, “Well, I am pregnant, but not very much.  Only 11 weeks.  I think this coat makes me look big.”  And the stranger replied, “Well, you’re usually just so slender, I could just tell.”   “Oh.  Thanks.”

The next morning as I was taking EVERYTHING out of my coat pockets, Gwen stopped by (she’s a little like Kramer on Seinfeld, but not as strange.)  I told her what the lady said on the elevator and I said, “I think the coat makes me look pregnant.”  To which she replied, “You ARE pregnant.”  Right.  There is that.

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Filed under First Trimester

The Best Day

What is my new favorite holiday? Christmas? No! Kwanzaa? Uh-uh.

It is Eid Al Adha. Am I muslim? No. Do I get to go to lots of friends houses and get tons of money from them while I eat their food? No. But my students do. EIGHT of them did today. So I had a class of ten students. Ten! Ten little cherubs. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my kids. But oh what a beautiful thing to be able to give all of my attention to half of them. It was like an early vacation. Aaaahhhhh.

AND I had a little Eid Al Adha miracle, as well. The financial lady from my first-choice midwives’ office, I’ll call them ABC midwives, called me to discuss the finances in case a spot opened up. I sweet-talked her. I told her about how we had our childbirth classes for my partner’s birth in her office and I had a soft spot for them. I think I kind of begged. Anyway, less than an hour later, I get this message on my voicemail, “This is C from ABC midwives, we’ve managed to work a little magic and to secure a spot for you for July. (GASP from me!) But you must attend our orientation on January 2.” Oh. My. God. I will soooooo be there! Thank you god and allah and the great spirit and the ocean and the trees and the freakin’ goddess of parking spots. I have a midwife.

Now I just have to figure out how to pay for her.


Filed under First Trimester, teaching

I Know I’m Unlovable…

I’m having a little pity party for myself here.

It seems all of the midwives at the hospital where I want to deliver are taken for the month of July.  As is the wonderful midwife who works with the hospital I don’t like. I knew this about the midwives at my hospital of choice, but I let Dr. Mug talk me out of calling them right away.  Damn doctors.  I always do what they say, just because they can name every single bone in my body.

So I got an email back from one highly-recommended midwife, who said that she’s probably not going to do deliveries this summer, but I should try her partner.  So I called the office, because since this partner will be working with some other midwife based in the Bronx, there is a chance that this partner will be working out of the Bronx. (I will not be driving to the Bronx for my midwife appointments.  No way, no how.) The answering service was there and the guy was rude to me.  Being pregnant, crazy and already upset, I proceeded to cry for, like, a half an hour.

I’m sure everything will turn out for the best, but right now I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  Which I hate doing, because my life pretty much rocks (you saw my kitchen, right?)

The midwife with the dumb answering service guy–his name is NEIL, no anonymity for you, rude guy–has a nice crunchy-sounding profile on the web.  She also has a degree and English Lit and Theatre, just like yours truly.  Hopefully she’s not too crunchy, but just crunchy enough.  She works with my friend Gwen’s doctor, who Gwen likes a lot.  And she’s very new to the practice, so she probably is not booked.  Plus Gwen is pretty sure she takes my insurance because she claims she’s seen women furiously writing report cards in the doctor’s waiting room.  So hopefully I will like her and we’ll go with that.  Ok.  I think I’ve talked myself down.  Thanks for listening.


Filed under First Trimester

Double Eek!

The midwife I wanted is booked for July.

I’m afraid I’ve waited too long.  New York is cut-throat, man.

So I called a midwife who I like, but I don’t like her hospital.  Waiting to hear back from her.  Cross your toes.

PS Go see pictures of my new sexy kitchen at momtourage!


Filed under First Trimester, Uncategorized