TTC sucked. I would not go back for all the world. (Unless I had to, knock wood.)
I was not prepared, however, for a whole new rhythm of waiting. I mean, I’ve done my share of waiting… the two weeks to find out I wasn’t pregnant and the following two weeks waiting to try again — eleven times.
Now the T in TWW stands for twelve. As in, the end of my first trimester. I have been extremely lucky, in that I have not had much morning sickness at all. My only real bout of nausea came the day after a brazen encounter with a Halloween-sized box of “Grape Heads” candies (cousin to the more popular Lemon Heads.) Yeah. I was sick all day and completely useless to the world. I won’t do that again. Now I’m not sick and completely useless to the world. I’m slowly but surely counting down the days until 12 weeks are up.
Last night we had a seven week ultrasound and good-bye fest with Dr. Mug. Tears were shed. Joyful ones, thank God. When he turned on the ultrasound machine where I couldn’t see it, he first said, “Let me just take some measurements, then I’ll let you see. Pregnant pause. The size is… tap tap tap… perfect.” Perfect! “The heartbeat… perfect. Very strong.” A keeps teasing me that Dr. Mug just knows my buzz words because I’ve been talking about my perfect embryo ever since. I threatened to whip out the ultrasound photo on the subway and yell, “Behold my perfect embryo!”
As you may know, I don’t have a scanner. You may re-create my perfect embryo’s ultrasound photo quite easily. Take a sheet of black construction paper. Draw a white circle in the center. Pour about a tablespoon of salt into the circle. Shake it around a bit. That’s what she looks like! Gorgeous, eh?
Anyway, one of the best things about this doctor visit was the way Dr. Mug was talking. He said, “You just have to wait to ten weeks and you’re in the clear.” Ten weeks? WTF? “I thought it was twelve!” “Everything looks so good, if all continues to go well for the next three weeks, I think you’ll be in the clear.” Wahoooooo!! He even said he’d be really surprised if anything went wrong at this point. I know, I hope he’s not getting too cocky. But honestly, when one has tried for so long to get pregnant, the idea of miscarriage can be a little consuming and overwhelming. Though I know it can still happen, I feel far more relaxed than I did yesterday. I may even go as far as saying I feel confident. 🙂
The new TWW for me is ten weeks. Which, minus the seven I have already waited is three. A Three Week Wait? That I can handle.