I’m no Abe Lincoln, people.
I totally lied to you.
I did a test yesterday.
I saw a ghost. A ghost of a second line.
It was such a faint line that I felt happy, but was too nervous to scream or jump up and down or any of the other things I always thought I’d do. My honey confirmed that, yes, she too saw the ghost. I even put the stick up in my medicine cabinet and looked at it from across the bathroom. I could still see it.
We decided to try again.
So I held my pee in and didn’t drink for a long time last night. I peed on a new, different brand of stick. I got a new, even fainter ghost. I did it again this morning. Another little pink ghost.
So I’m totally thrilled and relieved. Whew.
But I also feel a little in denial. The good thing is, I got blood drawn for my beta after work. The blood lady wrote STAT on the form and highlighted it. I thanked her. My doctor will let me know tomorrow morning if I’m seeing ghosts or if an actual amorphous being is growing inside me right now.
I feel a little trapped by the blog. I love it and all of you invisible people. But I do feel obligated to tell you the news. I also felt like I should call my friends IRL who read the blog because I didn’t want them to just find out via the blog. But every time I say it out loud I feel a little more nervous. Like I should really be not telling people yet. (I’m Jewish. We’re a superstitious people. But, you know, I won’t reject any early gifts or baby showers!) So I didn’t call all of my friends who read the blog. (Sorry!) Because before I get the beta results I really don’t want to say it any more.
Thank you so much for helping me get through this. Trying to get pregnant has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Yes, I’ve had a pretty easy life. You guys have made the trial much much easier.