Something in me feels like I’m coming to the end.
I can’t really envision anything past the next two cycles.
I don’t know what it means. I’m not sure if it is a good thing or not. I feel like I’m either going to get pregnant very soon or give up very soon.
I’m one of those girls who has always wanted to have a baby. Just the other day I had a memory flash of my high school boyfriend suddenly saying to me out of the blue, “One day you’re going to be a very pretty pregnant lady.” He meant waaaaay in the future, of course and not necessarily by his loins. (Seeing as we never went all the way and all.) It was a very unusual thing for a boy of any unmarried age to say. I haven’t forgotten it.
I have another memory from junior high school. I went to a very small alternative private school. There were fifty kids ages 3-16. I was standing in the driveway with an adorable three-year-old girl. I was swinging her around in circles. She was giggling her little head off. I knew — I just knew at that moment that I needed to have my own child some day. It was a feeling that filled every molecule of me.
I do have my own child. I just haven’t had my own child.
I’m hoping I will.
If I don’t, I still do.