Monthly Archives: October 2007

The Plan

Sorry for pins and needles.

I’ve decided to test tomorrow.  I need one more day of hope.

(No blood today!)

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Twinge/Untwinge

I woke up with that periody feeling this morning. (Not pregnant?)

I had a slightly elevated temperature last night and right now. (Pregnant?)

I did not have much patience today. (Not pregnant? Or just the day before Halloween with 18 seven-year-olds?)

My b0obs hurt as though they are not bo0bs, but parasites sucking the life from my body. (Pregnant?)

I lost my mind and wore a V-neck sweater over a collared shirt BACKWARDS to Home Depot last night. Didn’t realize it until I came home two hours later. (Pregnant, or just loopy?)

I honestly don’t think I’m pregnant. I’ll be very happy if I am.

I think I’m going to test tomorrow morning. That way if AF plans to visit, she won’t delay her trip due to dillusions of pregnancy. I need not wait any longer than necessary.

PS Thanks for all the hope!

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Weird Baby Dream

I forgot to tell you about my weird baby dream.  I had my little newborn daughter.  She was soo cute and squishy.  She was about a month old in the dream.  Then I realized that I had forgotten to breastfeed her.  My milk had dried up.  The rest of the dream was me doing crazy old-wives-taley things to try to get my milk back.  I think my boobs were even a little shriveled.

Is it because my boobs hurt?

Is it because part of me is afraid I’ll never get my chance to breastfeed?

All I know is when I hold my baby in a dream it gives me a feeling of fullness that I carry around with me all day.

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Day 10

Whew.

Only a few more days to go.

I don’t know, people.  I didn’t feel crampy.  I was a little short-tempered.  Thinking over it, though, I think anyone would have been short-tempered with my class today.

Oh, and goddess bless the sport bra!  I haven’t taken this thing off in quite some time.  And I don’t plan to until it becomes socially unacceptable and stinky.  With one’s sore boobs strapped firmly to one’s chest, one can almost forget the pain and suffering of an over-progesteroned body.  Gee, maybe I should buy some more?

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Esperanzita

That means “little hope” in Spanish.  As in, I’m actually getting a little.

I don’t want it, though.  Damn it.  In this TWV business, hope is a thing with razors as far as I’m concerned.

But here’s the thing.  I cramped like crazy for days 6,7 and 8 po.  I usually don’t cramp until day 9. (Then again, I don’t usually go on the pill and then shoot myself up with ovary-stimulating hormones, either.) Day 9? That’s today.  Did I cramp today?  No.  I did not cramp today.

Was it implantation?  Maybe. When I reminded my honey that I had cramped for three days, she gasped and said, “Did all three of the mature eggs implant?”  I’ll take one or two, thanks.  I sure enjoyed re-reading Oh Chicken’s posts about her implantation cramping.  Those are the exact cramps I had.

So I’m just going to open myself up to a leeeeeeetle teeeeeeeny ray of hope for this cycle.  But that’s it, damn it.  Enough of this Pollyanna-doodle-all-day big I-think-I’m-pregnant secretive grin crap!  I am not going to go there.  And that’s final.

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It Is Soooooo Hard…

…to not twinge when one is buckled over in pain on one’s bed for three hours.  This is my third day of laying-in-bed menstrual-like cramps.  In a normal cycle I do not cramp until day 9.   I started cramping at day 6.  Last month, I did injectionables as well, and I didn’t cramp at all.  I just had the sore boobs.

I know this much, if I am pregnant, I’m going right out to invest in some new bras.  These training bra-like things I usually wear are not cutting it.  Ouch!

If you know Superman, could you ask him to fly around the earth really fast so many times that it makes it spin faster and I can get this wait over-with.  I’m too tired of everything.

(That’s right, I said “wait.”  I’m no longer on vacation.   Unless you call this Monteczuma’s revenge.)

Thanks.

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Effie, We’ve All Got Pains!

My efforts not to think I’m pregnant after every little twinge, also known as “twinging,”  are starting to falter.

My boobs hurt.  I’m wearing a tight sports bra so they won’t move.  If you read my blog, you’ll know that this happened last month with disasterous results.  Getting my period after being so sure I was pregnant completely threw me for a loop and nearly sapped all the TTC life out of me.  I’m trying to avoid that now, especially since I found a paper from my doctor listing all of my symptoms as symptoms of the injectionables I had been taking.

Until last night I was resisting the temptation to twinge pretty well.  That is, until I was curled up in pain on my bed from menstrual cramps 6 days after ovulating.   (Cramps today, too.)  My resolve melted a little and I went ahead and did an internet search for “implantation cramping.”  I ended up on some pregnancy website reading a string of bulletin board posts in which women were… well, twinging.  In 2005.  This fascinated me.  The web is full of old conversations just hanging there.  I read the descriptions of the cramps… a sharp shooting pain… just like my menstrual cramps… a strange tingly feeling… they were all different.  Then I was able to scroll down and see what happened to these women two weeks later.  One of them was pregnant.  The rest of them were just twinging.  One of the people with cramps now has an almost-two-year-old.  I’m sure most of the others have little guys, too.  These people were sending each other “baby dust” and other too-precious-for-me virtual spells.  But they also were me a little.  For what it’s worth, we’re all just women.  Just women noticing our bodies in a way we never have before.  Trying to do that thing women are known for.

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