To editors of all women’s magazines with a demographic over 21 years old:
You know the article? The one in which you talk about how working women should not put off baby-making until it is too late? For example, in “Pink” magazine, the one in my reproductive endocrinologist’s office, the article was entitled, “Should Businesswomen Put Having a Baby On Their ‘To Do’ Lists?” Those articles? Don’t publish them. OK?
If, for example, you also have in your magazine articles on how to have a more green workplace or best cities for families, your readers are not twenty years old. If they have any sway in their workplace or the ability to buy a house, guess what? They are probably in their thirties. If they are in their thirties, they don’t need to read an article about that they should have done when they were twenty. It pisses them off. Especially if they are the kind of person who never thought they’d be sitting in a reproductive endocrinologists office at 36. But when you are 30, and you finally found Ms. Right, you can’t have a baby immediately. You need to build a life together. So you may decide to aim for starting to try when you are thirty-three. But if your Ms. Right is two years older than you, you would naturally want her to try first. And when your known donor you take six months to find wants a donor agreement and you have the slowest lawyer in the world, and you try for several months after waiting several months just to start trying, and the known donor moves away and you decide that shipping fresh sperm isn’t working. And you try a cryobank, and several months after that Ms. Right gets pregnant. And you are 34 already. You don’t want to be pregnant at the same time as Ms. Right. Then your sweet baby is born. And you are living with a newborn. And you don’t want to be living with two newborns. So you wait until sweet baby is almost one to start trying. And you try and you try and you try ten times. And the next thing you know, you’re 36 sitting in a reproductive endocrinologist’s waiting room reading a thoughtless article.
So just resist the temptation to hurt your readers. It is neither informative nor appropriate. Women are not stupid. We don’t “just let the time slip by.” We don’t think that because Madonna got pregnant at 42, that we can. We just sometimes need to wait until we are able. And sometimes when we are finally able, we’re not so able. Tell the author to send a query to Seventeen magazine. I will not be subscribing to “Pink.” Or any other such heartless rag.
To the Dear Sweet Beautiful Young Man on the A Train:
It really was amazingly sweet of you to come over to me on the train when I was crying. I know, I was crying really hard. Thanks for asking if there was some way you could help me. You were really quite adorable dressed in your Sunday Best sitting with your equally-adorable twenty-something friends with your well-cut suits and your shiny square-toed shoes. I know, I just said, “No thanks, I’m ok. I’m just sad.” But I could tell that you wanted to know why I was crying so hard.
See, I’m having some trouble having a baby. I thought I was going to try this thing this month which would really raise my chances. I tried last month, but the timing was off. But when I went to the doctor this morning, he said I had a cyst on my ovary and I have to take, of all things, birth control to help it go away. And I can try this month, but not with the big guns. And I’m running out of room on my credit card. And I never thought I’d be in this situation.
So if you really want to help, here’s my address. You could just stop by my house in around 11 days with some of your lovely genetic material in a cup. That would totally make me stop crying. If that wasn’t what you had in mind, I guess you could pray for my ovaries to make a bunch more good eggs. Or even a baby. That would be great. You are a kind person. I hope my children will behave like you when they are grown.