I did get to sleep early.
Then I woke up at 2 am, terrified that it was time to wake up and test.
I forced myself back to sleep. I proceeded to have three dreams in a row in which I already took the test and it was positive. Shiny, neon, glowing fat-ass pink lines. By the time I woke up at 4:30, I was no longer scared to test.
Then I almost peed on a ovulation predictor stick. Finally, finally, I peed on the pregnancy test. And it was pink. No, not the test, the toilet paper.
That’s right, my period. That bitch was just waiting to show up until after I peed on something.
Bring on the booze.