Foolhardy, Indeed

I woke up at 5 am.

Last night I made the decision to test this morning. Then I looked around for my pregnancy tests. Hmmm. I thought I’d had some. All I had was a digital one that either says “pregnant” or “not pregnant.” I didn’t really want to use that one.

For some reason I went to bed without working it all out in my head. At 5 am my bladder was full and my head was spinning. Should I use the digital test? Should I go wake my pregnant neighbor and ask her for her extras? Should I wait until tomorrow? No. Tomorrow my partner’s teenaged neices would be sleeping in the living room. It would be weird. For some 5 am not thinking so hard reason, I took the digital test.

Mind you, according to the box the odds for getting an accurate reading this early in the game were twice as bad as my odds of getting pregnant in the first place. Those are bad odds. But my still-sleeping-stupidly-optimistic brain had decided that I was SOOOO pregnant, that the coin would flip in my favor. Ha. Peed on the stick. Went back into the bed with my heart thumping like a newborn’s. Waited the three minutes. Went back into the bathroom. This is what the stick said dillusional. It actually said “not pregnant” but it felt like the same thing.

I spent the rest of the morning fighting back tears. Lost control of that at my neighbor’s while fetching said pee stick at a more reasonable hour. Went to meet another recently impregnanted friend for a playdate and had turned into a crazed lunatic. If anyone had looked at me the wrong way while I walked to the playground, I probably would have eaten their young. PMS? Or just mad at myself for being dumb enough to take a pass-fail test I only had a 55% chance of passing? Who knows.

Cakie and I had so much fun on our playdate in a fabulously tiny and welcoming public swimming pool that my angst and self-pity literally washed away with my sunscreen. [Thanks for the fun, Nelly and Foofie!] Whew. Back to my senses, I realized that my chances of being pregnant are pretty much the same as they were before I took the test. Clearly I am not the kind of person who should test early. Lesson learned: no real news is still possibly good news… and don’t test early you emotional wimp-o!

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7 Comments

Filed under Waiting and waiting and...

7 responses to “Foolhardy, Indeed

  1. Co

    I got a negative HPT at 14 DPO and was pregnant. (Lo will surely now chime in about how I didn’t use first morning urine so the false negative was my fault, but my R.E. assured me that it was too early to be assured of an accurate test. My positive HPT at 15 DPO had a faint, faint line, and I used first morning urine that time, and I was pregnant.)

    So, it’s still early. I’m still hoping.

  2. Lo

    She totally did it wrong.

    However, you could still totally be pregnant. I choose to believe!!!

  3. To test early or not to test early, that is the question. And as you said, no conclusive information is better than a BFN, but the waiting sucks, I know. It still could turn out alright. I will send positive vibes. Think positive thoughts.

  4. What I want to know is, when you’re waiting for someone who matters to write you back, how often do you check your email? Do you see any parallels?

  5. Hmmm… Sheila. I check my mail three times a day (even on Sunday) if I’m waiting for an important letter. Thank goodness the tests cost lots of money, or I’d be knee deep in pee sticks!

    I want to make a mathematical correction to my post. I took a pass fail test I had less than 20% of passing combined with a 55% chance of getting it graded correctly. Ah. I feel better now.

  6. Co

    I shouldn’t tell you this, oneofhismoms, but you can order these super-cheapie HPTs online. Tests so cheap you can do a couple a day if you want without it breaking the bank. I know Bri at unwellness and Charlotte at dosmamas have used them.

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