I woke up at 5 am.
Last night I made the decision to test this morning. Then I looked around for my pregnancy tests. Hmmm. I thought I’d had some. All I had was a digital one that either says “pregnant” or “not pregnant.” I didn’t really want to use that one.
For some reason I went to bed without working it all out in my head. At 5 am my bladder was full and my head was spinning. Should I use the digital test? Should I go wake my pregnant neighbor and ask her for her extras? Should I wait until tomorrow? No. Tomorrow my partner’s teenaged neices would be sleeping in the living room. It would be weird. For some 5 am not thinking so hard reason, I took the digital test.
Mind you, according to the box the odds for getting an accurate reading this early in the game were twice as bad as my odds of getting pregnant in the first place. Those are bad odds. But my still-sleeping-stupidly-optimistic brain had decided that I was SOOOO pregnant, that the coin would flip in my favor. Ha. Peed on the stick. Went back into the bed with my heart thumping like a newborn’s. Waited the three minutes. Went back into the bathroom. This is what the stick said dillusional. It actually said “not pregnant” but it felt like the same thing.
I spent the rest of the morning fighting back tears. Lost control of that at my neighbor’s while fetching said pee stick at a more reasonable hour. Went to meet another recently impregnanted friend for a playdate and had turned into a crazed lunatic. If anyone had looked at me the wrong way while I walked to the playground, I probably would have eaten their young. PMS? Or just mad at myself for being dumb enough to take a pass-fail test I only had a 55% chance of passing? Who knows.
Cakie and I had so much fun on our playdate in a fabulously tiny and welcoming public swimming pool that my angst and self-pity literally washed away with my sunscreen. [Thanks for the fun, Nelly and Foofie!] Whew. Back to my senses, I realized that my chances of being pregnant are pretty much the same as they were before I took the test. Clearly I am not the kind of person who should test early. Lesson learned: no real news is still possibly good news… and don’t test early you emotional wimp-o!