Undah da Watah


Poor Cakie is suffering from his first case of some serious diaper rash. I’ll spare you the details. He spent a lot of time bare-bottomed today to give the poor suffering bum region some air.

I got the idea to go the the aquarium late in the day. By aquarium, of course, I mean the New York Aquarium at one of my favorite places in New York — Coney Island. I leaned over to my bare-bottomed boy and whispered, “Do you want to go see the fishies?” “Fishies! Nummy!” He ran to the kitchen and awaited some goldfish crackers. I tried again. “Do you want to go to see the ocean?” “See ocean! See ocean!” He ran to the door and grabbed the handle, still waist-down naked like some poor TTC woman waiting for an ultrasound. When I managed to get his shorts and a diaper on (not in that order), we made our way in the car down what I call the Champs-Elysées of Brooklyn — Ocean Parkway. Our version is even better than Paris’s street because we have this at the end of it:


not to mention the ocean.

Here are some highlights of my aquarium trip with the Cake man:

  • I kid you not PREGNANT SEAHORSES . I thought I’d notice more pregnant people when trying to concieve, including a not-obviously pregnant woman I saw yakking (for Vee and Jay that translates to chundering) into a planter the other day, but this was over the top. I really dig seahorses, though. They change gender (sex? Lo?) for goodness sake. And they don’t fit into categories well with their horsey faces and their lack of limbs. They have really little fins, so they just seem to move through the water with their mental powers. So I decided that even the seahorse mojo could rub off on me.
  • A male walrus has a really huge schlong. No, I don’t usually pay any mind to such a thing. This was impossible to miss. I kind of felt sorry for the dude. Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time thinking about sperm.
  • Cakie was really cute when he kept pointing out for me where the fish were, “Undah da WAtah!” “Swimming.”
  • I thought I knew the difference between sea lions and seals. The fact I latched onto the most is that sea lions have ear flaps and seals do not. So when I saw animals called seals with earflaps, I approached a young naturalist and asked him about it. “Oh those are different. They are eared seals.” Ok, whatever. If anyone can explain this to me I’d be much obliged.
  • Finally, I think I’m pregnant because I’ve been to Coney Island twice this week and I did not buy my traditional bag of cotton candy either time. Pregnant? or grown-up? You be the judge.

I’m going to write more about Coney Island at my other blog soon.



Filed under my son

3 responses to “Undah da Watah

  1. this whole entry made me giggle. and i love the masthead pic.

    here’s to cakie’s little bum feeling better soon…

  2. Lo

    I don’t think I know the difference between seals and sea lions either, but they’re both cute.

    Did you know that the walrus at the aquarium likes to masturbate when he has a lot of company? My cousin got married at the aquarium and we were seated by the walrus, but alas, he did not perform.

    I personally think that only something like a hormonal shift could keep me from treats like cotton candy, so here’s hoping…

  3. Man, if that walrus started to slap the walrus monkey within 200 feet of me, I’d run away screaming. That thing was so big, I did a double-take, thinking it was a female walrus giving birth.

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