Yup. I can already tell that try #8 (IUI try #2) is going to be one of those months. If I am pregnant, I have only been so for less than 24 hours. Yet my boobs feel like they rival Dolly Parton and I’m nauseated. (I’m also prone to exaggeration. They look the same size. I just feel, I don’t know, buxom.)
I don’t like the months when I feel pregnant. It makes it that much worse when I find out I’m not.
Anyway, today’s IUI was the opposite of yesterday’s. I absolutely knew it was happening and I did not like it. Apparently my cervix is a little twisty. I imagine it like a little piggy tail in there. The doctor was having trouble finding the opening, so he put on the (gasp) clamp. Ladies, if you ever find yourself on a table with your feet up in stirrups and you’re not in labor and you hear the word “clamp” just brace yourself. That shit fucking hurt enough to make this school teacher curse like a goddamn truckdriver. I dare say it was worse than the HSG, but a little easier to deal with because my honey was there holding my hand and I didn’t cramp so much afterward. I did get weepy and cry a little bit after the doctor left. Pregnant people like myself are prone to weeping.
I saw the spermy superhighway on the ultrasound machine. That’s really the only way I like to see sperm — in my body on a TV screen. Doc said in a big jumbled way how many sperm were motile… I’m not sure if I remember exactly. It went like this: You have 32 million per somethingsomething and we’re using half of a something something so mumbojumbo mubojumbo mathmathmath we’re putting 10 million motile sperm in there, which is pretty good. Not bad. Ok, Doc. Whatever.
As I thought, I did ovulate last night. I knew it because I felt as though someone had surgically implanted a wiffle ball in the left side of my abdomen. I envision it not so much like the egg was released, but catapulted from my ovary. Doc Mug said that today’s IUI was still useful, but not as useful as yesterday’s. All I need is one useful sperm. One.
My left side is still tender. Another reason I feel pregnant is that I never have ovulatory pain. The first time ever was when I took Clomid for the Clomid challenge. This was the second time I’ve felt it. I feel like my body wanted me to know when the egg had been released so I could remember it. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go obsess about the exact timing of egg meeting sperm…