But What IF?

Last night as I was falling asleep, I started to think (dangerous, I know) wouldn’t it be funny if I actually am pregnant? This is the second-least pregnant I have felt on this whole journey. The first least was when we were still DYI, and I was sure we had inseminated too late. It turns out, when I met with a midwife to review my charts, that was actually the best timing we had had.

I still don’t have my period, but I have all my regular symptoms. One thing about TTC, it helps you get to know your body really really well. I never paid much attention to my menstrual anything before. Now I know, cramping on day 9 po, means period, period. Big (for me, which isn’t saying much) sore boobs mean I’m going to have to stop by Duane Reade for some more period supplies, not that my body is filling up with pregnancy hormones.

The one thing I HATE HATE HATE (yeah, a little yelling is therapeutic at times… my mom’s a therapist) about TTC, is when I psyche myself up to actually think it worked, then I pee on a stick, get a negative result, and within the next few hours I get my period. It is like the world is saying, “No, you’re not pregnant.” Then slapping you in the kisser with a “HA! I told you so!” That’s not going to happen this time.


Now, Vee and Jay tried to teach me how to upload a picture from a file. I’m going to try to follow the directions. The picture I will upload is a found-art representation of “Aunt Flo” as expressed through a lawn ornament. I had a different photo in mind for the recent photo Friday assignment of “Red.” But this one will do, as well.



Filed under TTC

3 responses to “But What IF?

  1. vee

    Photo success!
    The no period, no second line thing is crap though.

  2. Co

    The whole pregnancy thing is one big mind f**k. Especially since the symptoms of PMS are exactly the same as the symptoms of early pregnancy. I no longer believe women when they say they know they’re going to get their period because it feels just like it always does. I felt that, too, at 14DPO, the cycle I was pg. It’s a mind f**k.

    I will continue to hold out hope for this cycle for you.

  3. Thanks for the hope! I’ve given up on the hope thing. For now. Just as an experiment.

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