I found this great site. Even if it is all lies, it is making me happy for the moment.
Monthly Archives: July 2007
So I was just reading my book. A modestly good read by Julia Alverez. In it, a school for girls was about to close. I burst into tears for all of the women in the world who don’t have access to the education they deserve. Then I continued to cry because whenever I cry for all the (fill in the blank) in the world, I have PMS.
Here’s the thing… if I get my period I’m going to lose it, people. Somebody please tell me you got weepy right before you got pregnant. Please. I’m cramping, too. I’m hoping that’s implantation, since I usually don’t cramp until day 9, tomorrow. Help!
I don’t like pink.
I think it is because I read somewhere when I was quite young, that a study was done that actually proved that looking at the color pink makes you weak. This naturally makes the “girls wear pink” mantra chafe my feminist skin.
Cakie, on the other hand, is quite enamoured of the color. It is one of two colors he can properly identify. (The other is blue — go figure.) I’m pretty sure the root of his pink fetish is his unwavering love of a certain pink animated character of unknown animal origin. That’s ok by me, since Uniqua is a very strong female character.
So, when A was lighting the candles on my birthday cake, Cakie was gesturing excitedly toward the kitchen and yelling, “More more pink! More more pink!” Because she had only put one pink candle on the cake. Here is one pink candle along with a pink ball that happened to be in the middle of our living room when I was trying to figure out how to take a picture of the candle with my sub-par camera.
Does it make sense to blog when one has nothing to say?
Should I say I woke up this morning, 6 days after ovulation, with a pain in my left side worried that my embryo had implanted itself in my fallopian tube? Nah. I should keep that to myself.
Should I write all about my best friend’s baby shower? It was great. I rubbed up on her belly several times to steal mojo and I honestly pray that if I ever do get knocked up I’ll be as hot a pregnant chick as she is.
I can say that I don’t much mind my thinking I’m pregnant this cycle. The other times I was sure I was pregnant. This time, I just think I am. I need to think I am. If I’m not I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind. Maybe I already have. I’m blogging about walrus dongs for cripes sake. Anywho… tomorrow is day 7 po. The half-way mark. I think I might test earlier this time. Do those “results five days earlier” tests really work?
Poor Cakie is suffering from his first case of some serious diaper rash. I’ll spare you the details. He spent a lot of time bare-bottomed today to give the poor suffering bum region some air.
I got the idea to go the the aquarium late in the day. By aquarium, of course, I mean the New York Aquarium at one of my favorite places in New York — Coney Island. I leaned over to my bare-bottomed boy and whispered, “Do you want to go see the fishies?” “Fishies! Nummy!” He ran to the kitchen and awaited some goldfish crackers. I tried again. “Do you want to go to see the ocean?” “See ocean! See ocean!” He ran to the door and grabbed the handle, still waist-down naked like some poor TTC woman waiting for an ultrasound. When I managed to get his shorts and a diaper on (not in that order), we made our way in the car down what I call the Champs-Elysées of Brooklyn — Ocean Parkway. Our version is even better than Paris’s street because we have this at the end of it:
not to mention the ocean.
Here are some highlights of my aquarium trip with the Cake man:
- I kid you not PREGNANT SEAHORSES . I thought I’d notice more pregnant people when trying to concieve, including a not-obviously pregnant woman I saw yakking (for Vee and Jay that translates to chundering) into a planter the other day, but this was over the top. I really dig seahorses, though. They change gender (sex? Lo?) for goodness sake. And they don’t fit into categories well with their horsey faces and their lack of limbs. They have really little fins, so they just seem to move through the water with their mental powers. So I decided that even the seahorse mojo could rub off on me.
- A male walrus has a really huge schlong. No, I don’t usually pay any mind to such a thing. This was impossible to miss. I kind of felt sorry for the dude. Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time thinking about sperm.
- Cakie was really cute when he kept pointing out for me where the fish were, “Undah da WAtah!” “Swimming.”
- I thought I knew the difference between sea lions and seals. The fact I latched onto the most is that sea lions have ear flaps and seals do not. So when I saw animals called seals with earflaps, I approached a young naturalist and asked him about it. “Oh those are different. They are eared seals.” Ok, whatever. If anyone can explain this to me I’d be much obliged.
- Finally, I think I’m pregnant because I’ve been to Coney Island twice this week and I did not buy my traditional bag of cotton candy either time. Pregnant? or grown-up? You be the judge.
I’m going to write more about Coney Island at my other blog soon.
You know how people say that toddlers speak in a way that only their parents can understand? My son (who I call “Cakie” on this blog) is just learning to speak. He has a knack for saying words with slight variations which actually make them sound like other words. I’ve decided to illustrate this in a very second-grade teacherly way by putting the Cakie version of a word in context with words he doesn’t know yet, to see if you can figure out what they actually mean. In some cases, I will follow up with actual context in Cakese. At the bottom, I will make an answer key revealing the true meaning of Cake’s words. All original Cakie language will appear in italics.
1. If you mix yogurt with fruit and milk, you can make a boobie.
1a. “I waaaannna boobie. I waaanna boobie. More more boobie.”
2. An alcalaylee is a Hawaiian instrument that looks likes a small teetar.
2a. “Alcalaylee! Alcalaylee! (Pointing to small instrument) No alcalaylee, teetar!”
3. You need to boil a big pot of water to cook tata.
4. An ememememen point is often used at the end of a sentence that is a command.
5. Openit openit! Is a catch-all phrase which loosely translates as “Do what I want right now.”
5a. “Openit openit shoes.”
I will finish up with Cakie’s abridged version of the ABC song:
ABCDEFG HIJK muhnumummmumumuP muumnumumnumP munununmumumu Peeee! QR XY ah Z now mah oh Mah ABC Eh Uh woo chu mumununumunu P!
Answer key: 1. boobie = smoothie 2. alkalaylee = ukelele, teetar = guitar 3. tata=pasta (His favorite tata is orthzo) 4. exclamation point 5. depends on the Cakie context. Sometimes it actually means open it.
PS Day 4 po. Fake pregnancy symptoms continue to annoy me.