Beeeeeeyotch = Me

Today I had, like, PMS X100.
I woke up with a headache.
I woke up with a yeast infection.
I woke up bitcheeeeee.
So all I have to say, is if you see a woman waddling toward you with a big belly, and she’s not glowing…
RUN AWAY!
(And god help you if she’s your teacher.)

You Get a Pull-Up!

My two-year-old has a very two-year-old habit of occasionally talking back. In other words, if you say, “Cakie, I need you to calm down.” He might snap back, “You calm down!” Nice, right?
So the other day, I was suggesting he get some clothes on his naked body while at Gwen, our neighbor’s [...]

30 Weeks

How did this happen?
In 7 to 12 weeks, I will be a mother of two.
I will be trying to breastfeed Cakie’s little brother.
I will be nursing post-partum wounds, as well.
I will no longer be the main attraction.
I will be even more tired than I am today. Which is pretty tired. Pretty feeling-like-the-first-trimester tired.
We [...]

Poetry Contest

Help me out, people.
As you know, my need to spend time in the bathroom has increased exponentially in the last few weeks. I don’t think that that should also include the necessity to read bad “poetry.” In several of the teachers’ bathrooms I frequent at school during the day, I am forced to [...]

The Birds and the Bees

It was a particularly, umm, fertile day in my classroom.
My kids have been very chatty and it has been hard to get anything done. During morning meeting, I asked them to please raise their hands if they had something they wanted to say. Many of them raised their hands and blurted out non-sequiters. [...]