The Pros and Cons of Being Pregnant

There are some obvious pros:

1. You don’t have to TTC any more!

2. If all goes well, you’re going to have a cute little baby some day.

3. Most people are extremely nice to you.

4. You don’t have to carry heavy things.

5. You don’t have to change the poop box.

6. You get big bo0bs.

7. No period!

And some less-obvious pros:

1. When you finally get to break out the summer dresses, you don’t get the rude awakening to the fact that if you dare wear a summer dress, you are asking for men to be obnoxious to you in the streets. You can just enjoy your dress and feel almost invisible to the annoying harrassing-type men. Those that maybe don’t notice at first your protruding belly, take it back immediately, “Oh, sorry, ma’am. I swear I had nothing to do with that baby. I want a paternity test, Ricky!”

2. You are eating for two. You’re supposed to be eating carefully and healthily for two. But when you reach for that second helping of ice cream, those are the words that pop into your head. Fat is good for the fetal brain development, no?

3. Pregnancy card comes in handy for all sorts of unexpected things. Messy house? Sick day? Pregnant. Late library books? Bad outfit? Feel like sitting on your a$$? Pregnant. Not that I would use my condition in such a way.

The obvious cons, people talk about:

1. First trimester issues: nausea, sore boobs, puke, food aversions.

2. You’re tired.

3. You look bloated.

4. You feel bloated.

5. You’re carrying around some extra weight.

6. No booze.

Here are some cons nobody talks so much about. I’m not saying I’ve had any or all of these. I’m just saying, I’ve been reading a lot of pregnancy guides, since I’m trying to sort of write one:

1. Sudden bloody noses.

2. A third nipple. (Or fourth. Or fifth.)

3. You are more likely to have yeast infections.

4. You are more likely to be called a breeder by a jerk.

5. You are way more likely to pee in your pants.

6. All of the drugs you are allowed to take suck. You’d have better luck using a voodoo doll on yourself.

7. Evil tests that make you think there is going to be something wrong with your baby, when everything is really ok. They do these “screens” that have way more false positives than necessary, causing undo stress, I think. If I were really worried, I probably would have gone straight for the amnio, frankly. But I’m not.

8. You get big b0obs. If you never had them before, and you wanted them when you were in junior high, you realize that that was a silly waste of time. They are sweaty things that get in the way a weigh you down. I want my mosquito bites back, please.

9. If you have another kid, you can no longer roughhouse with him. If you do, you’re honey gives you that, “You’re doing something dumb,” look. Then you feel dumb, yet rebellious.

10. Random people walk up to you on the street and tell you your baby is dropping. Or you’re having twins.

11. You don’t get to lift heavy things.

12. Skin tags

13. Worst of all… some of your friends still have to TTC.  And it sucks.

Feel free to add to the list!

12 Comments

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12 responses to “The Pros and Cons of Being Pregnant

  1. I love the list. Thank you!!
    maybe someday I’ll be lucky enough to experience all the pros and cons!

  2. nelly

    pros:
    you can ask for someone to give you their subway seat, and they look like a jerk if they don’t.

    cons:
    veins. need i say more??

  3. I forgot some:

    Cons: hemerroids, elephant ankles/football feet, people telling you you can’t do stuff you really can do, like lift your arms over your head.

    Pro: an unknown-to-me-before-today Puerto Rican superstition that if you deny a pregnant woman’s request, you will get a sty in your eye… this scored me a quite tasty lunch from the folks in the lunchroom today. God bless ‘em. And their eyes.

  4. reproducinggenius

    I love the lists, and I feel all the more prepared should I ever stop TTC and actually get knocked up! I have to say, though, the thought of a third or fourth or fifth nipple is utterly terrifying! I think I read that ten times to make sure I was reading it correctly.

  5. Yeah, you scared the shit out of me with the extra nipple(s). Yikes.

  6. Charlice

    Oh my gosh, those cons are so scary. It makes me not want to get pregnant at all! Of course, the fact that I would get a baby is good, but I would rather pay for surrogacy than to have to go through nine months of absolute pain.

  7. Megan

    Oh crap! I don’t think I want to do this anymore. My husband had a vasectomy beofre we met. Maybe this is a sign. But I want a child so bad. Very confused. Someone help!!!!

  8. kimberly youg

    The cons of being pregnant are well worth it. To hold, to love, to care for a beutiful baby thats all your own.

  9. becca

    how long could it take me to conceive after having my implant removed?

    • How long will it take congress to remember that they are “for the people?” How long will it take before I actually start to work out? Only time will tell, my dear. I’d like to say two weeks. But a doctor would probably be a better person to ask. Good luck! I hope my two week guess is the right one. :)

  10. jodeon

    i cant wait to have my little one the cons and pros are worth it for me

  11. Cara

    My name is Cara and I’m a lesbian – I’ve been googling all the pros and cons of pregnancy since my partner decided she wanted us to have children – which I also desperately want!
    If you have any advice for me to prepare (my partner is having the child) please email me:
    carandbear@gmx.com

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